I’ve been talking to a lot of single gay men around the world about dating and what dating means to them; I noticed one common element when it comes to their derailed love lives. Here’s what they’re saying: I hate dating or I just want to bypass all that dating stuff and get to the gold. For me personally, I hate to date. I hate having to tell someone it’s not a match. I always make the wrong choices.
Can You Get Smart About Dating?
It’s quite obvious that dating turns their stomach, but yet again they take the fast track approach and find themselves in another uncomfortable dating/relationship situation. Well, my gut reaction is telling me all of this drama can be avoided if one simply gets smart about dating. The bottom line? If you take your time, do the groundwork and check in with that part of you that wants to have everything right away, I guarantee you will avoid the heartache and the truth of the situation with reveal itself.
Now, Greg, I urge you to really pay attention here, as well as anyone else who needs a bit of dating advice. You need to understand, without FIRST establishing a foundation of healthy dating; you’ll be doomed to repeat the same patterns over and over.
Ok, I know you’re a sweet, caring, non-reactive man with so much to offer a relationship. You’re doing exceptionally well in your career or business, but you made the choice to give your personal life the back seat. You probably even feel like all the pieces in your life are finally in place, except for the “relationship” part.
What are you willing to do to ensure that your love life takes the front seat? Are you finally ready to acknowledge that part of you who deep down inside desires a loving, meaningful relationship? After all, you do have so much to offer, right? To get you started, I’ve compiled a list of 7 reasons why I think dating is hard for you and how you can turn it around.
Why Dating Sucks And How To Make It Shine
1. You don’t do the ground work. After three, four, and even five dates, you’ve already made the decision that he’s the right guy for you. This is your life we’re talking about. Dating is about being smart, gathering information, exploring each others’ world and defining what the relationship means to you.
2. You spend way too much time on the first, second and even third date. As the old saying goes, “Less is best.” Keep the meeting short and sweet. Make that choice to spend at least 45 minutes on the first date. Get a feel for him, be observant and present. Remember, this is the first impression he’ll get of you.
3. You approach dating with a lot of desperation. Gosh, we all want to love and be loved, but you haven’t grasped the true value in being a successful single yet. You haven’t taken care of the important areas of your life; emotional, financial, spiritual and supportive, so you can date with confidence and freedom. Including these three VITAL areas; core values, relationship requirements and skills, that need exploring and optimizing.
4. You don’t know how to be authentic. I know in business and career you are at the TOP of your game, but for some strange reason when it comes to matters of the heart, you become paralyzed. Being social is something that might be a challenge for you. You might even believe that if you were to be the real you, you might scare him off. Is that really true and how do you know that to be true? Remember, there is something about being vulnerable with another person that makes makes you so beautiful.
5. You can’t wait to have sex. The connection is right and the sexual attraction is on high. You think if you connect sexually, that means you are right for each other in terms of a committed relationship. Well, the fact is, sex and sexual attraction is only a small part of the relationship equation. Having sex too soon can cloud your judgment.
6. Your standards are too high. Relax on this one. Someone recently told me that he’s been single for 10 years and refuses to date due to not being able to meet someone who can meet up to his high standards. Those are his words exactly. Sounds fishy to me. It’s perfectly fine to have standards, in fact, I recommend them – BUT are they realistic and are they based on your core values?
7. You forget to have fun. This one really sums it up. Have fun, keep it simple and smile.
Create Your Love Life By Design – NOT Default!
Greg, it’s time to start creating your love life by design and NOT by default, and everyone who thinks dating might be making them sick can do it to! Just like the saying goes, If you build it they will come. If you do the ground work, build a solid foundation and sound structure by knowing who you are, what you want in an ideal partner and relationship and how to get there, not only will you sense amazing spaciousness around everything that happens in your life, relationship opportunities will start to surface.