Are you dating all the wrong guys? Here’s how to break the cycle and find Mr. Right!
I’m like a magnet for all the wrong guys. I know the good ones are out there. I need to do something different. Help! Give me a plan!
What She Said:
Short answer? Try dating a different kind of guy! You obviously have a type – and your type isn’t working for you. Albert Einstein famously said that insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. If you’re always dating the same type of guy, guess what your chances are of having a different experience? Slim to none!
A real life example: A girlfriend of mine is a musician and, subsequently, she was always hanging out with band guys. They were all in the same downtown scene with lots of late nights and drinking. Fun, for sure – but a bit of a merry go round as far as relationships. The fellow musicians were cool, but tended to be “bad boys” when it came to dating. No surprise, right?
Well, my friend got tired of this and decided to make a big change. She stayed in her band but put all fellow musicians on her “platonic” list. She sat down and thought about what she really wanted in a relationship. She made a list of qualities that were important to her in a mate. Then she put a plan into action. She got out of her comfort zone and made an effort to meet new people. She didn’t want a bad boy/band guy anymore, even though that had long been her type – so she stopped hanging out in bars. Instead she went to museums, the gym and the library. She ended up meeting (and marrying) an anthropologist – a complete 180 from her exes. They’re celebrating their ten-year anniversary next month.
I swear I did not swipe this story from Lifetime Television! It might sound cheesy, but you get the drift. If you want something new, don’t wait around for it – go out and get it! You have to make a change if you want something different. Trust me, it’ll be worth it.
What He Said:
You continue to do the same things, you are still getting the same results. Make a list of everything you can think of in terms of your current love life: where did you meet these guys, what do they drive, what do they do, etc. Pretty soon you’ll have a profile. This will give you a clear example of what you want to avoid.
That’s only half the equation, the “what not to do” part of the deal. That’s very important. But it’s not the whole enchilada. You know what you don’t want. Now what?
You have identified the old pattern, the one you want to break. Now you work on establishing the new one. The one you want to create.
Figure out what guy you want. Pick a celebrity crush as a template. Figure out what makes this guy your type. What do you like about him? Brainstorm as much as you can, and be as specific as possible. Then figure out where you would go in your area to find that kind of guy. It’s like getting “the look for less” but with dudes.
So when you figure this out, go to where he is and hit on him. Or do online dating. Or run naked down the highway at rush hour. Something. Anything. Do something different. Otherwise, you’ll get the same results.