So you tell me there is a girl that you have been fantasizing over for years and are madly in love with. I’m sure she is unlike any other... continue reading
So you tell me there is a girl that you have been fantasizing over for years and are madly in love with. I’m sure she is unlike any other woman that you have ever met. She’s smart, beautiful, funny and there is such a great connection between you and her.
The only problem is, you’re just a friend, and that’s it. You wonder “Can I actually turn it into something more?”
What If There’s No Attraction?
The answer to that will always be the same…you can’t. If there isn’t any real attraction between you and the girl from the get go, there is NOTHING you can do about it. No amount of lines or telling her how you feel will get her to change her mind about you.
The movie industry screws with a lot of guys minds by making them believe that you can turn a friendship into something sexual or romantic. What works in the movies doesn’t work in real life.
Playing Peter Gabriel outside of her window won’t make her fall head over heels for you. No, she won’t read your romantic love letter that you have worked on for years and want to jump into bed with you. Sadly many men have to learn this lesson the hard way.
Even worse than the movie industries portrayal of this unfortunate situation is the Internet. I did a quick Google search on ‘how to turn a friend into a lover’ and got over 15 million responses.
I clicked on a couple of the results to see what kind of false hope they were giving people. Not one of these sites were able to tell the truth about this predicament. They all stated that is was very possible to turn a friendship around. One site even offered a spell that you can use to enchant the woman.
When you first approach or meet a woman she puts you into one of two categories…”yes” or “no”. Yes, she is attracted to you or no she has no attraction for you. If you get lumped into the “no” category there is nothing you can do to change her mind. You are forever branded as a “no”.
Why Friendships Turn Into Relationships
With that said there are a bunch of claims of friendships turning into relationships out there. These claims are a little misleading. What happens here is one of two things:
- The woman decided to settle for a guy she wasn’t attracted to or…
- There was attraction from the beginning but for whatever reason it never escalated any further
Why Women Settle
Many times women will settle for a guy that they really aren’t that attracted to physically or sexually. This happens for a variety of reasons:
- Tired of looking for the right guy so she takes what’s available to her
- Desires to get married more than getting married to the right guy
- Feels like she can’t do any better. Low self esteem goes hand and hand with loneliness. Everyone at some point just wants someone to be there for them. Unfortunately for her there are few options available except for the guy who has loved her for so long.
- Knows that the guy is in love with her and will do anything she says. It’s a sad story but many people like to control others. Their self esteem and lack of real power drives them to find people that will worship them and do anything they want. They aren’t too concerned with love as they are with admiration and control.
When Attraction IS There
When there is attraction from the start but nothing happens the option of taking it further is always available. For whatever reason the both of them never got together. They may have been dating other people at the time or their schedules might have been too busy for a relationship.
In these situations they are “friends” but there was always an undertone of attraction. There is always something beneath their communication that stated that they liked one another.
Later down the road, if the conditions are right, they might get together and start a relationship. They were technically friends before that time but there was always some attraction in the mix.
This is how my girlfriend and I got together. We met during school but for whatever reason never took it past innocent flirting. Years later we got back in contact with each other and started dating. That was over two and a half years ago.
Will Confidence Help?
What if I get my insecurities handled and become confident? Will that help?
Some men believe that after they get their act together with women that they will have a chance with that one girl. To me, to truly be great with women is to have a ‘take em or leave em’ type of attitude. You would enjoy being surrounded with lots of women but you don’t need it to be happy.
When you get better with women in hopes of getting that one special girl you are showing extreme neediness. You are changing everything about yourself completely just for one woman. You are doing it for HER and not for YOURSELF.
If you change everything just to get her to like you it will never work because of you are still needy. If you hadn’t guessed neediness is not an attractive quality to have
What do I do now?
There is a ray of hope that can come from your situation. You can learn from the mistakes you made with this girl and not repeat them over and over. You can learn what is actually attractive to women.