How to Get Over Shyness & Fear of Rejection to Get the Girl

If you’ve never had a crush on a girl or boy and have felt a little shy about asking them out – well, you’re not human.

Everyone has had their run-ins with “hard to get” guys and girls and sometimes asking them out is a heck of a lot easier said than done. If you’ve got someone special that you just can’t take your eyes off of but your lips seem glued together whenever they come around, we’ve got a few things that will make it a little less stressful for you to actually ask them out.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

There is a girl I love.  But I am to shy to even talk to her and I want to ask her out but I don’t really now how.

— Georgis, Alberta

Recognize the Fear of Rejection and Kick It to the Curb

The biggest reason people don’t ask out their crushes is that they fear getting rejected.  Rejection sucks.  It hurts – everyone knows that.  Sometimes it is difficult for people to grasp that rejection does not shape who they are and in no way does it put a sign on your forehead that says “not good enough.”

First and foremost, you need to know that you are okay just the way you are.  Other people don’t decide that you’re okay – you do.  You need to come to terms with the fact that you’re you and you’re fine how you are – no one can change that, rejection or no rejection.  When you come to terms with that, you’ll be confident enough to approach anyone without the sweat beading up on your forehead and your knees turning into Jell-O.

Making the Approach

Almost every girl (or guy, really) will say, “No” if you walk up to them and introduce yourself by asking them out.  Hard as it is to believe, that really is the way it works.  Even the smoothest pick-up lines will not work.

So now that we’ve thrown your entire foundation for dating out the window, we’re going to share with you how to really pick up your crush.

Let them get to know you in a normal, pressure-free way.

You’ve heard about how people meet through being friends and it turns into this wonderful relationship, right?  That’s honestly the best way to go about it – building a relationship on friendship creates bonds that last a long, long time.  So let your crush get to know you before asking them out.  Ask them for help or their opinion about something and strike up a conversation.  When you’ve got a pretty good footing you can transition the friendship into something more.

Getting Rejected

Yes, rejection is a possibility.  You need to know that a lot of the time, it has nothing to do with you.  For example, if you approach your crush and they have just failed a test, broken up with their girlfriend or boyfriend or had some other mood altering life event, you’re probably going to get rejected and it won’t be your fault in the least.

It’s also okay if you are flat out rejected.  Remember that part about you being okay no matter what?  Play that card and you’ll feel a lot better.  If you get rejected, nothing will happen.  The floor won’t turn into a spinning vortex and suck you in, destroying your life as you know it.  You’ll go home and everything will be the same as it was before you asked your crush out.  So take the chance and keep trying until you find that special someone.


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