When you’ve been single awhile, friends with benefits might just seem to be the answer to your prayers. You’re alone and lonely, you... continue reading
When you’ve been single awhile, friends with benefits might just seem to be the answer to your prayers.
You’re alone and lonely, you miss the closeness, you miss being touched and desired, and you may think a FWB (Friends with Benefits) relationship is just what you need.
But have you considered all of the consequences it brings with it?
Imagine a friend approaches you and suggests the two of you embark on a friends with benefits relationship. If you are attracted to your friend or have wished that your friendship was something more than just a friendship, you might think you have nothing to lose. You run through all the pros in your mind. Regular sex, intimacy, spending time with someone you like. Hmmm, those sound pretty good! What the heck? Why not?
Setting the ground rules
One of the first things that usually happens is a discussion of the ground rules. You may decide that while you are sleeping together you won’t sleep with anyone else. That if either you meets someone with ‘relationship potential,’ you’re free to walk away without any hassles. You discuss the fact that it’s not a relationship. No romantic feelings should be involved. It’s just about the sex. Or is it?
Those pesky hormones
The problem is, especially it seems for women, that feelings do develop. Biology gets involved releasing hormones, such as oxytocin, that make us form an attachment when, in reality, none exists.
It’s almost certain to happen. She imagines she feels more than she really does. And this, my friends, is how you end up getting hurt.
If you already have some feelings for your friend, you may go into these FWB relationships thinking that he’ll develop feelings for you.
Guess what? It isn’t going to happen. If he was going to develop feelings for you, he more than likely already would have.
Men do not have the same biology issue that women have. He is totally able to have his cake and eat it too without any pesky old feelings getting in the way. He’ll say good bye, forget about you until next week when he gets horny again and that will be that. He isn’t going to fall in love with you just because he starts sleeping with you.
Single white female seeking nothing
Sometimes you might think that this will be good for you until you do meet someone with relationship potential. From my own personal experience, the problem with that is that, well, you kind of stop looking. I mean your body has formed an attachment to this guy, your heart is involved, and you’re having sex on a regular basis. Why on earth would you keep looking?
You should. This is bound to end badly, but often women delude themselves sticking their heads in the sand pretending it’s all okay.
It’s not all okay
Inevitably, it’s got to end either because you can’t deal with the unreciprocated feelings or because he’s getting nervous about them. Either way, you’ve probably not only ended your friends with benefits relationship, but your friendship as well. And, the cold hard truth of the matter is, it’s just not worth it.
The biggest blow will likely be to your self esteem. It will start as a fleeting thought such as “I guess I’m not good enough to have a relationship with. I must only be good enough for sex.” Soon, that little thought will blossom into a full fledged attack on your self worth. Next thing you know, you believe you’re not good enough.
Just say no
Do you really want to be that girl? No sex in the world, no matter how good it is, is worth the risk. The negative feelings of self worth, the possible loss of a friendship and the possibility of missing out on someone who is right for you are a big price to pay for a roll in the hay.
So, the next time a friend approaches you with just such a proposition, take a minute to really weigh the pros and cons. If your friend cares about you at all, he’ll respect all of the reasons why friends should remain just friends.