Q&A: How To Deal With Rumors

When dating, there is bound to be gossip between mutual friends, especially if you’re younger and in high school and college. While gossip initially doesn’t seem like a big deal, it can definitely get on your nerves and impact your friendships and relationships if there is gossip amongst your friends or family that isn’t true. Here’s how to nip it in the bud, before it gets out of control.

I have a question about dealing with rumors: I met a girl through mutual friends and we instantly hit it off. We’ve been hanging out a lot and now our mutual friends are starting to thing her and I are secretly dating. The problem is, both of us ONLY want to be friends and now these rumors are starting to impact our friendship. We’ve confronted our friends, but they’re not buying it. Any suggestions?

–YouTube Viewer

People Love Good Gossip

People really enjoy a good rumor – to the point where some people may make them up just for their own entertainment. This usually causes drama, which most people enjoy watching – but of course, they don’t want to be involved. Consider the possibility that someone started the gossip intentionally to create drama. Also consider the possibility that it was simply your friends misinterpreting what is really going on in the situation.

Even if someone didn’t start the gossip about you and your friend supposedly dating on purpose, it can still affect you deeply. It can affect your relationships with others, including keeping people who might want to date you from actually asking you out because they heard you were dating someone else. It can also impact the friendship you have with this special person. You may be tempted to end the friendship just to get others to stop thinking you’re dating.

How Rumors Get Spread

Gossip is easy to spread, but difficult to get rid of. If your friend tells you something and you repeat that to someone else, you’ve participated in gossip right there. Because what will happen, is you will get the story twisted just a little bit. Even if you didn’t mean to, you’re going to leave the person you told with a slightly different impression of what your friend actually told you. Once that person tells someone and they tell someone and so on and so on, the idea of what happened is not even close to what actually happened.

Did Your Friends Pick Up On Your Chemistry?

Your friends may have not intended to start gossip at all – in fact, they may have simply noticed that you and your special friend have great chemistry together. Maybe they saw you flirting with each other or just having a great time hanging out together and saw it for what it really was – two great friends with the possibility of something more. Just because you weren’t dating this person at the time the gossip got started, doesn’t mean that there isn’t something there between you two that could evolve into something more. Consider the possibility that your friends picked up on a connection between you two that you have been in the dark about.

Jealousy Can Fuel Gossip

Jealousy is a huge instigator of gossip. People who are feeling jealous may start hearsay just to get under your skin. Perhaps your friends or their friends are jealous because you both have been neglecting your individual friends to hang out together. Another possibility is that a particular friend started the rumor because they wanted to date you – and are upset that you’re spending so much time with this new friend than them. The same applies to your new friend – perhaps one of their friends wanted to date them and are jealous of how much time they’re spending with you.

Let Go Of The Hearsay

Hearsay is just that – hearsay. There’s no reason to hold on to the gossip, because it’s not doing you any good. In fact, it’s probably doing more harm to obsess over what is being said about you and your new friend than it would be to let it go. So just let it go. Learn to disregard what people way about you and your new friendship with this person and just live your live the way you want to. Do what makes you happy and let people say whatever they’re going to say. Remember the saying, “This too shall pass.” The rumors about you dating your new friend will go away eventually and you’ll be left with a great friendship afterwards.

Decide Not To Let It Affect You

The only way that gossip like that will affect you and your new friendship is if you let it. If you let what the other people are saying affect you, it could possibly destroy the relationship. Communicate with your friend and decide together that you’re not going to let the rumors affect what you have together. Also, if you believe your friends are the start of the gossip, have the confidence to let them know that you don’t appreciate them. Let them know the truth and ask them to stop spreading rumors about you. If you’ve asked them once, ask them again. If they’re really your friends, they’ll respect you and stop talking about you behind your back.


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