So guys, you got her number, you set it up, and here you both are. On the first date. Congratulations! Not! Any idiot can get a date with a woman, but what if you want to be dating her? How do you get from the first date to the second? Well, let’s start with what NOT to do. One step at a time, grasshopper.
Top Things Men Do To Screw Up A First Date – What She Said
How could a man screw up a first date? Oh, let me count the ways! John’s going to hate this, but I’m gonna say it – if a man asks a woman out on a first date and doesn’t pay, it’s a huge turnoff. Show me some effort, show me respect – and don’t show up late. Once again, I’m not saying it comes down to how much you spend – in this case it’s truly the thought that counts. That said, let me countdown the proverbial “Top Ten:”
1. See above. Have plan and have your wallet on hand. You don’t want to pay? There probably won’t be a second date. The last thing I want to hear the first time out is, “How ya doin’ for cash?” How am I doing? Fine, thanks to the $20 I have in my purse that I’m using to take a cab home.
2. Ogling other women. You want to eye that waitress’s ass? Do it on your own time. I’m not crazy enough to think you’re never going to look at another woman, but the first date isn’t the time or place.
3. Pressing for sex. If there’s a mutual attraction, it’ll happen in its own sweet time. A first date is different from a one-night stand. Know the difference.
4. Expecting your mind to be read. Did you have a great time? Call and say so! Guesswork isn’t sexy.
5. Talking about the ex. This is our time to get to know each other. Chatting about another woman isn’t high on my list. Keep the ex-girlfriend information to yourself until the relationship deepens.
6. Cell phone. Keep the cell phone in your pocket. Stopping to take a call, text or check your email? Not cool. Eyes and ears akimbo. If you’ve got a busy phone, enjoy the buzzing in your pocket and check your messages later.
7. Getting drunk – like really, really drunk. Do a few beers make you a little chatty? Great. Nothing wrong with a warm glow, as long as safe transportation is arranged. Irish Car Bombs and a Taco Bell run? No excuse for this behavior, unless your next stop is AA.
8. Referring to yourself in the third person. It’s not wrong – but it creeps me out. It makes me wonder what other personality tics you have tucked away.
9. Showing up with another person. It’s a date, not a party. Save the chaperone for the 8th grade dance.
10. Talking too much. Do you loooove the sound of your own voice above all others? Then you might as well skip the date and stay home with your mirror. Talking incessantly due to nerves is one thing. Extolling your virtues via a monologue is another.
Top Things Men Do To Screw Up A First Date – What He Said
It’s funny that Jenna said guys need to show up on time. I love showing up late for dates. I do it purposefully, because most women are always late, and I figure, I’ve got extra time, and why not make HER wait for ME? Anyhoo, here’s the list:
As a guy, you have to realize the cold hard facts. A man doesn’t choose a woman. A woman chooses a man. If you want a girl that’s a “10,” that’s fine, but why should she choose you? You have to provide her with something that no one else does. That starts with being interesting. Have opinions. Voice them, without being overbearing or close minded. Be someone she can’t figure out. Be mysterious, yet open. Chicks love that stuff.
1. Not taking the lead. It’s a man’s job to lead. Period. Most women (assuming they are feminine and not masculine in nature) want to be led. That doesn’t mean be a dick, but it does mean you are the director of the experience. As Chris Rock once said, “anything you mutter ain’t getting done.” Saying “Where do you want to go?” won’t get you anywhere. Saying “Oh my god. You totally need to try the Margaritas at [X], meet me there Sunday at 7:30” will work. If she can’t make it, she’ll let you know, but she wants a man, damn it. Be the man.
2. Being predictable. Ever wonder why women love those bad boys? It’s because they don’t know what’s coming next. They have absolutely no idea what to expect, and they love that. They need that. They crave it. It’s something primal for them, almost. Now I’m not advocating treating women like crap, but if you can offer them the best of both worlds, she’ll eat that up. Be mysterious. Tell her to pack a bag for the weekend, and refuse to tell her where she’s going. Always keep her guessing. She should never know everything about you. Always keep a little bit hidden.
3. Treating it like a job interview. I’m not saying don’t get to know her. I’m just saying I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen people out on dates, and they have all the sexual chemistry of a job interview. In Utah. I’m not saying you have to take her in the bathroom and do her, but you have to let her know you have sexual desire for her, and not be too shy about it, but not be too forceful either.
If I’m on a date with a woman and I don’t generate some sexual electricity, I will wind up in the friend zone (that is, if I am ‘lucky’).
4. Listening to her words, and not her body. Before you cut my head off, let me explain. Listen to her words yes, but pay extra attention to what she’s saying WITHOUT words. Often times her mouth will say one thing, but her body will say another. I remember going out with a woman on a first date and I thought it was going horrible. Why? Because she kept telling me how full of shit I was. Kept telling no, but her body was SCREAMING yes. Her eyes were super dilated, as if she was forcing them open to take all of me in, kept “accidentally” bumping into me, playing with her hair etc. I was shocked when I got a second date, because I was so clueless on the first.
5. Going too sexual too fast. Jenna said don’t force sex on the first date. I agree, but I don’t think there’s a set time frame for when sex is appropriate. The right time is when it feels right for her. That can be ten dates from the first time you meet, or ten minutes from the time you meet. It all boils down to how you do it, no pun intended. A one night stand is different that relationship sex. The difference can be summed up in one word: comfort. She needs a different comfort level for relationship sex. She wants you to want to want her, but for more than just booty. She needs to know that
6. Not setting up the second date. If you want a second date with this person, it should be set up long before you ask for it, midway through the first date ideally. Make plans for the second one, subtly. Start by dropping hints about amazing places to take her, restaurants that you know of (one’s that she’s never tried, of course), things like that. Relationships are all about planting seeds (not like that, you pervert). So sew them well.