It finally happened. You met someone you really like. There seems to be a connection, you have a great timetogether, and you think that maybe it’s time to take the relationship to the next level.
And then it happens. She tells you she’s been married four times. Yes, four.
So, what do you do?
Run for hills? Head to the little boy’s room never to return? Make your excuses and then “lose” her phone number?
Or do you grow up and little bit and give her the benefit of the doubt?
The cold, hard truth
The truth is she’s not a serial rapist or a serial killer or even necessarily a serial bride. She’s a woman who made some choices that didn’t quite pan out. Granted they may have been bad ones. I’ll give you that and thenask you this. So what?
There are actually a couple of things to think about here. First of all, haven’t you been in relationships that didn’t work out? How many? Uh huh, that’s what I thought. The only difference is she married them; you didn’t. Maybe she’ll judge you and consider you someone who has commitment issues based on that. Hmmm.
Relationships, and marriages, fail for many reasons. There may have been an abuse issue, an alcohol or drug issue, a control issue, or maybe even a death. Sadly, in today’s world these things happen way too often.
And remember, it takes more courage and heart to leave an abusive or alcoholic relationship than to stay in one.
Secondly, are you the same person you were 20 years ago? 10? Even 5? Do you make decisions the same way now as you did in the past? Have your values and maturity levels changed?
As we grow and mature, we gain experiences, both good and bad, that shape us into the people we are today. We make mistakes, we learn from them, and we move on tomake more decisions.
Think of it this way. When you’re dating in your 30s and 40s, you’ve been through some crap. Unless you’ve been locked in a closet for 30 or 40 years, you’ve done some things and made some choices that were less than stellar.
Do you want to be judged on the basis of just those choices?…
The thing is that some of us are just slow learners. It sometimes takes more than one bad decision for us to learn the lesson.
Life, however, making sure we eventually get it, has a way of giving us the same ones over and over until we finally do learn it.
And so we fall for the same wrong kind of guy again and again. At some point though that proverbial light bulb comes on and we finally get it. It’s at that point that growth occurs. Thatwe figure out not only where we’ve been going wrong, but why.
Very probably we begin to look back over our lives and make some realizations.Maybe growing up we didn’t feel loved and valued by our parents. Maybe we made one huge whopper of a mistake that made us come to the conclusion that we weren’t deserving or worthy of love.
Now, all those failed marriages begin to make sense. We figure out what it was we were looking for in those bad relationships and we realize that we have to find that within ourselves.
Why she’s not a bad risk
Guys, this makes someone a good risk, not a bad one. What you have stumbled onto here is a woman who knows herself inside and out. She knows what she wants in a relationship and, more importantly, what she doesn’t. She is now capable of creating a loving, nurturing, caring relationship.
She comes from a place other women have never been and she has learned things other women never will.
The thing is this. Those things, those decisions made her the person she is today. I know that the person I am would not exist otherwise.
And the person I am today is one helluva catch. The lucky man who discovers and accepts who I am on every level, is in for a lifetime of love like he never imagined.
Chances are she’s one helluva catch too. Are you willing to let her get awaybecause of your preconceived notions of who she ought to be?