Sometimes the big bad world of online dating can be very confusing. It seems it gets harder and harder to know when to trust a potential date. Use these 5 tips to know when you should pursue a connection or run like hell.
1. He takes no time to get to know you
So you get an email from someone telling you they’re interested in getting to know you. You check out the profile and see potential. Then you reply saying you are interested as well. The next email says, “Great! Let’s meet!”
Whoa Nelly! Slow down there just a bit. Two emails, especially short one or two liner emails, are not enough here. Don’t misunderstand me. I’m not telling you to drag it out for months or even weeks, but do give it a few days at least.
But maybe more importantly, make sure you are having conversations with substance. You should be talking, asking questions, and really getting to know each other before a rushed meet. Otherwise, how do you even know he’s someone you want to know. And vice versa.
I learned this lesson the hard way recently with a date. He had emailed saying hello. I emailed back asking how he was. The very next email asked if I wanted to meet.
I agreed and was in for not only horrible date, but one that ended in text message harassment and physical threats.
Was that a bad call or what? I had no idea what I was getting into and, obviously, I made a bad judgment call. Don’t make the same mistake.
2. He makes you a goddess in 2.5 emails
This guy will woo you with romantic notions and flowery words. He will become “hooked” in record time and will proceed to fill your head with more cornball notions than you’ve ever seen or heard before.
One of the problems here is that, at first blush, it’s easy to get caught up in it all. That part of you that has been single and feeling less than desirable is thinking, “Well, it’s about time!” Back away for awhile and try to look at the conversation objectively.
If he immediately started in with nothing but excessive compliments and talk of finally finding the “one,” you have a problem. Not only that but if, in those first few emails, you suddenly have much more in common than it seemed from his profile, he may be telling you what he thinks you want to hear.
One guy I was chatting with didn’t have an occupation listed on his profile. When I suggested we perhaps after getting to know each awhile we might want to exchange phone numbers to continue the conversation, he responded that he didn’t have a phone. After all, he is a teacher too and being one myself, I could empathize with the amount of money teachers don’t make.
Really? Kind of a coincidence isn’t it? And, if we were really both in the same profession, I would have thought he would have mentioned it sooner.
3. He doesn’t respond to what you say
He emails. You respond by commenting on what he said. You throw in some observations and ask some questions. He replies completing ignoring the questions and responding only to a few ideas–ideas that he introduced into the conversation to begin with.
Maybe he’s flattered you by asking for more pictures which you obligingly send. Tit for tat right? But when you ask for more pictures of him, he completes ignores the request. The same applies if you ask questions regarding his profession or occupation, his kids, or previous relationships.
4. He’s so hot, but…
You get an email, open the profile, and then start drooling all over your keyboard. Wow! Could someone that hot really be interested in me?
Stop. Reign in your hormones and check out the rest of the profile. Is that one unbelievable photo the only one? Does it look like it came with the $7.95 picture frame he just bought?
If so, this dude very well not be who he claims to be. Can you say 350 pounds in a wife beater? Not only that but, if he’s posting a fake picture, it’s a relatively safe bet that the rest of the profile is fiction as well.
5. He just seems fishy
If things just don’t add up, he is probably not who he says he is. If he changes what he says or things he says don’t match what his profile says, these are first signs he may be lying. Other signs would be if after chatting for awhile, he won’t exchange contact information or shows no signs of meeting.
I met a guy a few years ago who completely fit this bill. He purportedly had a civil government job which required he split his time between two states. After exchanging phone numbers and missing his call any number of times, I realized that he was only calling during the day. Voicemails always said he would try me again and never suggested I call him, and there was always excuse as to why he couldn’t call in the evening.
Also, I never heard from him on the weekends. He only emailed and called Monday through Friday. Pretty good sign he was either married or had a girlfriend at the least.
Stay safe and trust your gut
The biggest thing is to trust your instincts. If your gut is telling you something is wrong, then something is probably wrong. If you find yourself going against your instincts, it just means that he’s very good at making women trust him. He’s got the whole game down to a science. Walk away.
It really almost goes without saying that you should never provide personal information too quickly, and yet many women make this mistake. While I am usually very guarded about such things, I have found myself lately revealing too much, too soon in some cases.
When the guy in #1 started harassing me with texts and I talked to my boss about it, his first question was “Does he know where you work?” Thank goodness I could honestly answer “No.” And yet there have been many cases when I have given that information out without a second thought. It becomes easy to become complacent, so until you are really sure you know someone, caution should be the rule rather than the exception.