Not having any luck dating online?
You may be making these mistakes.
1. Being a Winking, IM’ng, and Email Whore
Imagine if you went to a club and winked at someone all night, maybe even leered at them and you hadn’t introduced yourself yet?
Imagine that you kept knocking on someone’s door or leaving umpteen messages for them even though they didn’t so much as know your name?
Yes…they probably would think you were strange and potentially a stalker….
Dating online on one hand puts distance between people but in another way creates an immediacy and intensity that can become very uncomfortable when you don’t know or barely know the person.
Slow your roll and don’t bombard. Remember that all you have seen is a photo, read a profile, or even had a brief bit of communication.
2. Using Sexual References in Profile Names
I don’t care how big your penis is, how great you are in bed, how big your boobs are, or anything else to do with sex. Would you wear a sign around your neck broadcasting these things in the ‘real’ world? Oh hell no!
Using sexual references in your profile name set the tone from the outset and establish you as someone who is on the pull, looking for sex. Whilst you may think that it helps you stand out, you will do, but it won’t be for the right reasons.
3. Not reading the profile – RFTP
This is what I call ‘Read The Effing Profile’! Let’s take it back to the real world again. Imagine that I advertise to fill the position of ‘Software Engineer,
Must have 3 years experience minimum and be proficient in X, Y, Z’ and I get inundated with people who have never done this job, are proficient in A, B, and C, but not X,Y, and Z. It is annoying!
Now I know that this is dating and we’re all hoping that that special someone will give us a chance, but considering that the very basis of online dating is filling out a profile and stating your criteria, it seems very redundant that the bulk of people don’t bother to read the profile…
4. Focusing on sexually charged conversation
I am amazed at how quickly people go from winking, to talking about sex and flashing their private parts over email! If you were having this type of contact so quickly in the ‘real’ world, it is likely that things wouldn’t go anywhere serious very fast…and it’s the same in the virtual world.
If all you want is some sexual fun, knock yourself out, but be wary of engaging in this type of sexual banter if you are genuinely on the lookout for a relationship because it does set the tone.
5. Lousy Photos
Either use a decent one or don’t bother. Out of focus, fake ones, pictures of anything but you, confusing ones with kids and other women or men in them. You get the picture.
Choose a photo that has you looking at your best. You are effectively advertising yourself to a prospective date and whilst it isn’t about the superficial, once you decide to use a photo, use a good one because it is likely to be what is used to determine whether to read the profile (yes some people do this) or make contact.
6. Bad spelling and grammar
Do you want prospective dates to think you’re illiterate or younger than their shoe size? Whilst we all make slip-ups, if you’re entire profile is littered with grammatical and spelling mistakes, it implies that you haven’t made an effort.
If in doubt, put it through a spell check on Word or get someone else to check it for you. Remember: this is how you sell yourself!
7. Writing in CAPITALS
IT’S VERY CONFRONTATIONAL WHEN YOU SEND EMAILS TO PEOPLE THAT YOU DON’T KNOW DEMANDING THAT THEY GET IN TOUCH WITH YOU OR LOOK AT YOUR PROFILE. Nuff said…
8. Assuming that we’re all cut from the same honesty cloth
People, people, people! You cannot, and really shouldn’t assume that because you have been truthful that everyone else around you is. There are a lot of liars out there and you need to get your spidey senses on high alert and be a bit of a sleuth.
Learn to look for the contradictions and gaping holes in people’s ‘stories’. Take off the lust glasses for long enough so that you can be on high alert for red flags and little eeeny, weeny lies…that eventually become bigger problems.
9. Unsolicited (or even solicited) Sexual Photos
Sending photos of your private parts or semi-naked self to people that you don’t know or have had some contact with online, is like flashing…
10. Desperado…please come to your senses
Desperation actually can sell, especially if you’re a man because there are a lot of women out there that will think “Hmmmm…I’ll make him feel better…”, but it is wise to steer clear of being desperate and using your tales of misery as conversation pieces. It’s kinda depressing.