I’m a big believer in self talk. Over the last couple of years, I’ve learned that the things we tell ourselves determine our outcomes. If you fill your mind with positive thoughts, then you’ll achieve quality results. On the other hand, when think pessimistically, you’ll end up with only negative outcomes.
There’s an expression that best sums up this outlook- “Garbage in, garbage out”
What this means is when you fill your mind with negative thoughts, you severely limit your success in life. The funny thing is we men use self-talk so much that it’s become a major part of our dating lives. We often “convince” ourselves that we’re not “worth” dating the truly desirable women.
Negative thoughts often take the form of a “Self-Limiting Belief”. The definition is simple- A self limiting belief is any sort of self-talk that limits your ability to achieve something.
It’s called “limiting”, because you literally limit your capacity to do well in life. And in the dating sense, a self-limiting belief is any thought that prevents you from succeeding with women.
In my experience, there are a number of beliefs that hold men back. In order to improve your success with women, it’s important that you identify these thoughts, then actively eliminate them.
Here are 7 of the most common self-limiting beliefs:
#1- “I want somebody to love the REAL me…”
I’m going to be honest here. Guys use this belief as an excuse to be lazy. Many secretly desire a change to their life, but don’t want to make any effort. So they think that coming up with some line about “being themselves” will somehow make them morally superior to the men who seek outside help.
The truth is, many guys require some guidance with meeting women. Don’t make an excuse about wanting a woman to love the “real you”. Instead, try to understand that life should be about constant improvement. If you want success with women, you need to get out there and find out what really attracts them.
#2- “Love will find me…Eventually”
I once heard a great story about a man who prays to God every day about winning the lottery. After weeks of having nothing happen, he finally screams at God and asks why his prayers go unanswered. Seconds later, he hears a booming voice that says: “Buy a lottery ticket!”
The belief that “love will find me eventually” is another excuse that limits your success. Don’t sit around waiting for the “dating lottery ticket” to arrive.
In order to improve your life, you must be willing to get out there and put yourself in a position to meet women. It won’t happen if you believe the woman of your dreams will magically show up with little to no effort on your part.
#3- “I’m not good-looking…”
This is one of my favorites! We men have it lucky in the dating game. While our attraction to a woman is built primarily on HER looks, they look for something completely different.
A woman’s attraction starts when she makes an emotional connection to a guy. Sure, looks are an important element. But, any guy can improve his conversation skills to the point where they can transcend a deficiency in his looks.
#4- “I never have anything interesting to say…”
Guys often let nervousness and anxiety affect their conversations with women. The end result is their mind goes blank and they have trouble thinking of things to say.
The truth is we ALL have interesting things to say! But sometimes, it takes a little coaxing to get them out.
A technique I recommend to my readers is to cultivate a unique personality through the art of storytelling. Women are strongly attracted to things like health, status, adventure, leadership, wealth, and preselection.
When you craft a story from your own life, with these traits in mind, you’ll have plenty of material to use when there’s a lull in the conversation.
#5- “Some guys are just naturally successful with women…”
This self limiting belief is another personal favorite. A lot of guys think there’s no way they can change their success with women. What they don’t know is this is an area of their life that is like any other skill. It involves a process that’s easily learnable and predictable.
Think of it this way. Everything you’ve learned in your life started out as something you didn’t know how to do. Only through learning and practicing were you able turn it into a skill.
Learning how to attract women is the same way! With the right kind of information, you can easily become proficient at meeting interesting girls.
#6- “I have no confidence around women”
A lack of confidence is common among single men. What’s unfortunate is this is the one quality that’s incredibly unattractive to women. So, in order to improve your success with women, you must overcome the notion that you can’t be confident when meeting a new girl.
Confidence comes from competence in a skill. In the last belief, I discussed how you can improve your success simply through learning and practice. As you work on your “dating skills”, you’ll discover it’s easy to dramatically improve your self-esteem. While you might feel that you lack confidence now, this is something that can be easily fixed through repeated success!
#7- “I’ll start tomorrow, or maybe next week…”
This belief is the creed of all serial procrastinators. Almost every single guy in the world feels he’s missing something in his life. Some might say they want to make a change. But most of the time, they’ll put off doing something about it.
If you want success with women, then it’s time to do something about it. Don’t delay. Do something right NOW! Even the simple step of writing down a plan of action can have a dramatic effect on your dating life. The only thing that’s holding you back is allowing limited thinking to prevent you from making a change!
Self limiting beliefs can restrict your success. When you allow negative thought patterns to be in control, the opportunities to date quality women will be quickly diminished.
Here’s some simple advice. ANY time you experience one of the negative thoughts I’ve just described, immediately challenge it! You’ll discover that the simple act of working through your self-talk will have an immediate effect on your success with women.