How come most guys are so nervous and uptight about approaching, flirting and talking to women — especially when she happens to be... continue reading
How come most guys are so nervous and uptight about approaching, flirting and talking to women — especially when she happens to be extremely hot?
Why Most Guys Have A Hard Time Talking To Women
For some guys, approaching women is difficult because of “inner game” issues. They lack confidence and paralyze themselves with limiting beliefs. When they see an extremely attractive woman, their brain comes up with reasons NOT to approach her.
Usually these “reasons” are along the lines of, “I’m just not handsome/tall/rich enough to get a girl like HER interested in me…she’s out of my league.”
But for other guys (and I myself used to fall under this category), the anxiety stems from not knowing WHAT TO TALK ABOUT with her.
If you have no conversational “game plan” — no idea what to say after you walk up and say hello — well, approaching and talking to women becomes a nerve-wracking proposition indeed.
The Mistake I Used To Make When Talking To Women
I used to be guilty of this myself when talking to women. I remember many situations where I’d approach a girl and introduce myself (usually this was at a bar, after I’d had a few drinks to loosen up), and things would go okay for a few minutes…we’d be chatting about something we had in common, or someone we both knew, and it seemed like she might be sort of into me, but then the conversation would start to run out of steam. I found myself struggling to figure out what to say next, or trying to think of some clever question to ask her. ANYTHING to fill the awkward silence.
And while I stood there racking my brain for something to say, I could feel her energy level fading. She’d look at her wristwatch, start glancing around the bar, looking for a way out. Then I’d get a polite blow-off (“It was great to meet you, but I have to find my friends…”), and that girl would walk out of my life forever.
After years of hanging out with the world’s best pickup artists and studying their tactics, I was able to come up with a technique that virtually guarantees you will never run out of conversational material.
Use This Powerful Tactic When Talking To Women
This technique is called “hooks and ladders.” Let me explain how this works, and how you can start using it in your conversations from now on.
A “hook” is anything a girl mentions that you can turn into a topic of conversation—right now, or later on.
A “ladder” is an opportunity in the conversation for you to plant a positive seed in her mind, and boost her opinion of you.
So the idea is, whenever you’re talking to women you want to look out for hooks that you can turn into ladders.
Before I give you an example, I want you to think of three topics that you’d WANT to talk to a beautiful woman about — topics that demonstrate your positive qualities, such as your talents, interests, ambitions, passions, or positive life experiences. You know that if the conversation gets onto one of these subjects, you’ll be well-equipped to talk about some cool stuff.
Three of mine are: travel, music, and writing. I know a lot about these areas, and by talking about them, I can plant seeds about my own positive qualities.
(I’m also into things like video games, horror movies, and watching Ultimate Fighting, but these aren’t topics that women are going to find particularly interesting!)
I’ll use travel as my example. I’ve been to a lot of cool places, and there are a lot of cities and countries I plan on visiting in the future.
So, I won’t ask her a standard question like “Do you like to travel?”
Instead, I’ll put a spin on it and say something like, “Lisa, you seem like someone who leads an interesting lifestyle, and I bet you’ve done some traveling. So let me ask you — if we could teleport right now to any city or country, anywhere in the world, where would you want to go?”
She answers, “Jamaica. I went there for spring break during my senior year of college and we had so much fun. The beaches were amazing and we went out to the clubs every night.”
To this, the average guy (with no game) would nod his head and say, “Wow, that’s awesome. Sounds like you had a great time.” And the conversation hits a dead end.
But because I’m listening for “hooks” when I’m talking to women, that answer just gave me a bunch of different topics that I can now talk about. Lisa has provided me with multiple “hooks” (conversational topics) that I can turn into “ladders” (ways to make me look good).
Hook #1: She went to Jamaica. When I think about Jamaica, I think of the singer Bob Marley. Everyone loves Bob Marley. I say, “I can totally picture you and me chilling on the beach in Jamaica, drinking some Red Stripe beers, listening to some Bob Marley. You must be into reggae music…” (And now we’re talking about our favorite types of music, which is a topic I like to move towards because it’s something I’m passionate and knowledgeable about).
Hook #2: She went with her friends to another country to party and have a new experience. This means she’s got a fun, adventurous side. Very cool. I can tell her about the summer I spent traveling around Asia, having all kinds of amazing experiences. I use this as a “ladder”: I tell her how important I think it is to see the world and be open to new experiences. I frame myself as the type of spontaneous, adventurous, worldly guy who can give HER exciting new experiences.
Hook #3: She went to college. I can find out where she went to school and what she studied, and then tell her a little bit about my own college experience. Was she a bookworm, or a party girl? Did her sorority have some type of crazy initiation ritual? Did her college major lead her to a career she is passionate about, or is she aiming to do something else in the future?
Other Hooks she offered within her answer: she likes nightclubs, and she loves the beach. I can talk about these topics, too, and use them to plant positive seeds.
“So you mentioned earlier how the clubs in Jamaica were awesome. Well I’m always checking out new places, and I found this bar — not too far from here — that I know you would absolutely love. But it’s a little wild – if you promise to behave yourself I might bring you there sometime.”
If I want to use the “beaches” hook, I’ve got a story ready to go: “So you love the beach? Me too. I was in Mexico recently visiting a buddy of mine – it’s a funny story, he was making tons of money working in the financial industry and one day he decided to quit his job and move down to Mexico for a year and surf every day. My friends thought he was crazy, but I think it’s awesome that he followed his passion.”
(So now we talk about the importance of following your passions, doing what you love, etc. A definite ladder.)
You get the idea. Whenever you’re talking to a girl, she’s sharing a ton of information with you “beneath the surface” that you can USE to move the conversation in new, interesting directions — and at the same time, plant seeds in her mind about your own positive qualities.
Pay attention and watch for the hooks. She’ll supply them every time she tells you something about herself. By using them and controlling the flow of the conversation, she won’t pause to think “well this guy is kinda fun to talk to, but he’s not really my type so I should go find my friends…”
Instead, she’ll be swept up in your enthusiasm and energy and go with your flow. But you don’t want to keep talking endlessly. When the time is right, you’ll need to “close” her. This could mean getting her phone number, or taking her home with you tonight.
The BEST way to successfully close a girl is to lay the right groundwork. This requires you to stay in control of the conversation and keep it fun, while planting the right seeds. At the same time, when talking to women you want to follow a four-step process that hits certain “emotional buttons” (in the right order) and moves her feelings from curiosity and interest, towards sexual attraction.