It happens to a lot of people. You take that big plunge and move in with your boyfriend or girlfriend only to find out later that you might... continue reading
It happens to a lot of people. You take that big plunge and move in with your boyfriend or girlfriend only to find out later that you might have moved in with them too soon, before really letting your relationship grow.
What do you do? How do you turn back time?
Dear Dan and Jennifer,
Hi. I haven’t been with my boyfriend for very long (less than 1 year) and I moved in with him at the beginning of this year. I feel I moved in way too soon. I think it’s just not right for me and I would like to break up with him. It’s harder to do though because I live in his house. Any ideas on how to break up with him and how I should do it and what to do about my living situation?
Moving Out Or Breaking Up?
Okay, so you’re ready to move out. That much is clear. But are you ready to break up? You might have thought the two go hand in hand since you made this big step forward, but that is not necessarily true. Sit down and think about what you really want.
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Do you want to continue to have a romantic relationship with your partner, or would you like to part as friends? Do you simply want to go back to the way it was before you moved in with them? Those are all very valid wants and you should definitely try to express those to your partner. Be honest with them about what you want to see happen and why.
Give them a chance to vent their feelings as well. The most important thing is to take a deep breath and relax. Sometimes you have to try something to figure out it won’t work!
Being Financially Sound
Before you talk to your partner about your living arrangements, it’s important that you get an alternative living arrangement set up for yourself on the off chance that your partner becomes angry or hostile and asks that you leave immediately.
You might need to go apartment hunting on your own, however, if you and your partner are both living in an apartment or house that you would not be able to afford were it not for the other’s contribution, it’s important that you are up front and honest with them from the beginning so they have the opportunity to find alternative living arrangements as well.
Taking these steps might seem scary, especially if you’re financially dependent on your partner, but think about what you were doing before you moved in with them.
Going Back to the Beginning
Whether you were living on your own or living with a friend or family member, that might be your easiest option.
Going back to the way things were before you moved in with your partner might be something you do quite literally! If that is not an option, it’s time to get yourself on your feet and financially sound enough that you can get your own place and have your own transportation.
Take whatever steps you need to so you can ensure you’re able to live on your own when you move out from your partner.
You might be having some emotional issues as well, especially considering that you just moved in with your partner and you’re regretting your decision. Take a moment to really think about what led you to that decision.
You’ll probably find that you still wouldn’t do things differently! Not everything works out the way you think it will and often you have to find that out after you try it. It’s not a fun situation to be in, but if you are open and honest with your partner about your feelings, you might end up being able to continue dating or stay friends.