Should you dump your cheating boyfriend?Hmmm… The answer to that one is not as easy as it sounds.Should you listen to your friends... continue reading
Should you dump your cheating boyfriend?
Hmmm… The answer to that one is not as easy as it sounds.
Should you listen to your friends and family?
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Well, that depends on your friends and family. While it’s really easy to sit on the sidelines and say, “Yeah, dump him!”, it’s oftentimes not so easy when you’re the one doing the dumping.
People cheat for all kinds of reasons and it’s really important to understand those reasons before making a rash decision that you may regret for the rest of your life.
Dear Dan and Jennifer,
Well my ex and I were dating for a while but then he cheated on me. I still like him a lot and he likes me but I cannot trust him.
My family thinks I should not date him because he cheated on me. What should I do?
Should You Dump Your Cheating Boyfriend?
So, your boyfriend has cheated on you. Does that mean you should leave him and stop dating him all together?
This is one of those questions that doesn’t really have a simple yes or no answer.
Our definition of cheating is a “breaking of trust” between two people. Cheating is often a symptom of deeper relationship problems, not the cause of them.
People cheat for many different reasons, but the most common reason is that they are trying to fill an emotional void of some sort. They normally feel that they’re not getting something from their current relationship.
To help your relationship move forward, it’s important to understand why that person cheated.
So we immediately have several questions that you should answer before you consider leaving him.
Questions To Ask Yourself Before Making A Decision
Why did he cheat?
Was it a one night stand or an ongoing relationship?
Was he feeling lonely or neglected?
Did he succumb to temptation?
What was the state of your relationship before he cheated?
What is the state of your relationship now that he has cheated?
Are you able to talk about the circumstances that led up to him cheating?
Is he honest with you about his feelings?
Did he tell you that he cheated to come clean, or did he get busted? (You know, did he come up and say, “Hey I have really screwed up and I’m sorry”?)
Should We Break Up Or Not?
As you can see, the answer to whether you should or should not break up is not as black and white as many people make it out to be. There’s a lot of gray area that you and your partner need to talk about between the two of you.
As a couple, it’s critical to be able to talk openly and honestly about your feelings. That may be difficult to do when you’re hurt, but try to put aside your anger and resentment and truly listen to what he has to say.
If you’re not able to do it on your own, and this relationship is truly important to you, then I recommend seeking a professional counselor. The reason for this is that he or she can serve as a mediator in identifying the issues that are going on between you, and in many cases prevent an all out brawl.
A counselor can serve as an objective third party to help you come to a mutual decision about staying together or breaking up, rather than making a decision out of anger and other negative emotions.
Dating Is Not Marriage
It’s one thing to date someone casually and a completely different thing to consider marrying someone. It’s entirely possible to have a casual relationship and be able to accept the fact that they may or may not cheat on you again.
If he did it once, he’s very likely to do it again unless the two if you are able to work through the issues that caused him to cheat in the first place.
While casual dating is not the same thing as marriage, honesty is critical for any successful long-term relationship. If you are even considering getting married to this person, then it’s even more important to work through these issues now.
I would never recommend marrying a person that you do not trust 100%.