On Tiger Woods, And Adultery


Let me state publically I am not a Justin Timberlake fan at all. His acting and even his stints on commercials and on Saturday Night Live I can handle, but his music and singing leaves me hallow. But in one moment I looked past my own personal dislike for the man’s abilities and saw him as a fellow human being broken before my eyes.

It happened during the Ashton Kutcher show Punk’d on MTV. The prank was to have Timberlake believe his bank assets were frozen, his money gone, and the FBI was on their way to visit him for tax evasion charges. The one person he turned to for help wasn’t Britney Spears, but his mother. He sat there shell shocked and bewildered and at that moment the joke wasn’t funny at all. I saw him on the verge of tears , as if his whole world was crumbling ; whether his own doing or not, I saw a young man who thought he had it all feel very humbled and human. Thankfully Ashton came out, set it straight, got chased by Timberlake and he was back to his old self again. At least it was all a joke.

Tiger’s Betrayal

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But for Eldrick Tont “Tiger” Woods the last few weeks have not been good to the once unstoppable machine. My first thought of the news of Woods’ infidelity was a simple one. Finally, Tiger, the golfing machine, is human after all. And what should be a time to gloat or point is really, for me at least, a time to be saddened for him and to realize my own faults in the area. You see, I betrayed my former wife too and I’m not proud of it one bit. Some may say it’s only because you got caught that you feel sorry. I wish that were true. Unless you are a cold blooded adulterer who just doesn’t give a care for the crimes you’ve committed, there is the tinge of sorrow for the person you betrayed or the situation you find yourself in.

Diane Lane is perhaps one of the sexiest women I ever seen on the screen. But the times she was being sexy she played a woman who chose to have an affair (a nicer word for adultery). In the movies A Walk On The Moon and Unfaithful, she so aptly conveyed the look and feel of a person caught in adultery than any other actor I’ve seen before. Her look on the train ride home in Unfaithful is one of both sexual highs and the low reality of what happens to her relationship with her husband (played by Richard Gere) and her family? It showed on her face, a mixture of bliss and blunt force, not knowing what to do with her feelings, but not ready to let go of the taste of forbidden fruit. That’s the thing about adultery and why it has fascinated both media and the public for centuries.

Adultery In The Bible

One of the commands of the Ten Commandments given to Moses to share to the people has this line in it: “…you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or male or female slave, or ox, or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.” (Exodus 20: 17b) . And yet we do it anyway; we wonder just what it would be like to sample our neighbor’s significant other. The most famous case of adultery is with King David. Yes, THAT David! The one who took down Goliath as a young man with a stone, who went on to become king of Israel and one who has a generational line that later produced a not too shabby carpenter’s son with a flair for miracles. Even the media of the time (who ever wrote the Old Testiment story) caught the act for generations to read about.

No longer going about in battles for the people of Israel, David was relegated to spend his time in the palace while younger men devoted to him sought to fight for the king’s honor. One night he found himself on the rooftop of the palace and checked out this beautiful woman named Bathsheba. She was bathing in a pool not far from the palace. When I read the story I had to think she was probably the finest looking Jewish woman around to get David’s loins aflame like they were in the story, because he took some drastic actions to get his way. He tried to get Bathsheba to come with him through conventional ways (talking to her husband Uriah) but when that didn’t work he sent her husband to the front lines to be killed so he could have Bathsheba for himself. He thought his plan would work and no one would be the wiser.

The prophet Nathan came to be the most famous whistle blower in history when he confronted King David of his crime. As close as David and God were with each other, did David once think he was going to get away with infidelity? Sadly, he didn’t. Nathan laid out his crime and the consequences that would visit not just him but the nation of Israel and his family. Because of what David did, Israel would go through a host of bad kings who did wrong in God’s sight, leave a divided nation, and sowed the seeds for the Jewish people of that time to be taken from the land. Yet David found solace with one of the greatest apologies ever recorded in history and hope for restoration. In Psalm 51, David asked God to “wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin. For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me.” (From the New American Standard version).

Coming Clean With Yourself

In my own “Scarlet Letter” moment, I had to pray that prayer a dozen times before calamity hit the fan and I was left in my own destruction. My own actions betrayed a trust, caused a broken heart, and did damage to my life and reputation. I turned to food to give me solace for the crimes I committed and it took a long time to recover from my own deeds.

I keep thinking the media and the public should be having a serious talk about adultery and why do people in the spotlight (i.e., David Letterman, LeAnn Rhimes, Gov. Mark Sanford, etc.) think they can get away with it. Then the cameras should point to the audience and ask the very question to the public. Why do we, peons of the world, think we can get away from our adultery without the need for a camera or publicity in our faces 24 hours a day? Maybe Hugh Hefner, founder of Playboy magazine, had the right idea that monogamy is overrated. He does have a point; David had many wives if you read in the Old Testament and God made it clear if David was lacking in a wife he could have any that he wanted. Maybe that’s the discussion we need to have about whether the expectations of a monogamous life is a life we can realistically live a “happily ever after” or not?

What Is Lacking In Your Sex Life?

The real conversation—married or not—you should have in your bedrooms should be about your own relationship and is there anything you can do to strengthen it or make it better? Are you lacking in the sexual department? Should you think about ways to make the bedroom spicier than just reading a book or watching Letterman? Even before you decided to get married or living together unmarried the best discussion you should have is where are you and what do you desire intimately? We talk about everything else, but many a couple fail to talk about their intimate desires for fear of sounding too dirty or being rejected.

For now, there’s no stone in my hand aimed for Tiger, no “see I told you so” shouts at him, no wagging of the finger. I have no stone because I’d be one of the men who would drop his stone and walk away to leave the adulterous woman in the care of the carpenter’s son I talked about earlier. See, he came with this profound statement that whoever is without sin needs to throw the first stone. Apparently we all fail in this department and others to keep us from being head executioner.

Sin is sin. No sin is bigger or greater than another. Lying is as bad as adultery. Gluttony is as bad as adultery. These things we need to keep in mind because rain can come in our lives as easy as it does to the famous and powerful. But like anyone who has been through the storms of life, when our world is washed away and blown like the winds of a hurricane, we must find the courage to grieve for the moment, pick up the pieces, and build again.

"The Little Black Book of Sex Positions"

by Dan & Jennifer
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