As more and more media outlets are reporting that Tiger Woods and his wife, Elin, may in fact be getting a divorce, I have a suggestion for... continue reading
As more and more media outlets are reporting that Tiger Woods and his wife, Elin, may in fact be getting a divorce, I have a suggestion for them: break up to make up – or what I call a brush with death. One publication was reporting that Tiger offered Elin a hefty sum just to agree to stay with him for two years, so at least for one reason or another, he apparently wants the relationship to continue. Of course it’s completely understandable why Elin would just want to cut and run. She’s likely humiliated and burnt out on all the attention and speculation she’s received not only the past few weeks but over the last several years of being in the spotlight. She’s probably more than a little shell shocked and I would recommend that anyone in that situation give themselves some space.
Can Tiger And Elin Make It?
But I think it’s possible for them to eventually put the pieces back together. Sure, no one can really know what Tiger’s motivation was for offering her a settlement to stay with him but it shows that he DOES want her to stay with him in some way. And Elin has a right to be upset and angry – she SHOULD be angry over the way she was treated. I delve into the specifics in my book, Make Up Don’t Breakup, but something like this can’t be fixed overnight of course – there are deeply engrained patterns at work here and a lot of betrayal and deception at play. Which is why I recommend the brush with death – which I also talk about in the book, Adultery The Forgivable Sin – or breaking up to make up: the idea that the couple wants to make things work in the long run, but need some time to sort through their anger, frustration and other emotions on their own.
Overcoming The Obstacles
Now, I’m not talking about something where the couple breaks up with the “cushion” that it “might work out at a later date.” (How many times are we all guilty of saying, hoping for, or believing that?) What I’m talking about is an intentioned break up with the idea of continuing to work toward a healthy solution – when two people still want to be together, but have major obstacles to overcome.
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But here’s the catch: the couple HAS to be committed to working things out, or else this can just be used as a license to act out on temporary emotions – actions that often have lasting implications. This would obviously only make the situation worse. When done for the right reasons – and under supervision of a therapist or counselor – A temporary break up can help resolve certain issues, and creates a shake-up that many couples need. In certain circumstances, this is the only thing that will create an action step which will make reconnecting and making up easier to do. Remember that creating this strategy – and it MUST be a strategy, not something entered into half-heartedly – is not the end of the relationship, but rather a new beginning.