Five Tips for Creating Soulful Intimacy In Your Relationship


There are times in life when we experience intimacy in natural, spontaneous ways.  Consider love at first glance.

Someone who was a stranger is now in your life 24/7 and crazy about you!  Suddenly, parts of your life that were private are now on display to the one you love but with whom love hasn’t been tested.

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For instance, putting potato chips on your sandwich in front of him or her makes you feel awkward with the intimacy of the exposure of a funny, little detail of your life!  The first time you get naked together makes you tingle all over from the vulnerability.  Intimacy that is the result of love at first glance is easy.

It is when we have been in love for a while that we need to turn our attention once again to intimacy.  We can create the kind of intimacy that will set our souls aflame!  Following are five tips for creating soulful intimacy.

Speak and listen in a new way

Men and women communicate differently.  Men like to get right to the point; therefore, they only have so much time and attention when it comes to listening.  They want you to get to the point!  Women, on the other hand, like to share nuances of insights and feelings when they communicate.  Getting to the point for a woman might take several meandering twists and turns first.

One way to create soulful intimacy is to speak and listen in such a way that your partner feels seen and heard.  When a woman gets right to the point, her man hears her in a completely new way, which is gratifying for both of them!  When she listens with focused attention, he feels heard and appreciates this.

When he listens to her meandering thoughts and expressed feelings, she feels cherished.  When he takes the risk to speak of his feelings, philosophy, and personal experience, she feels honored.

Without trying to morph into the opposite sex’s viewpoint, just every once in a while speak and listen the way he or she does.  As simple as it sounds, doing so will make you feel you are taking one of those risks that makes you feel the kind of vulnerability that creates a fresh spurt of intimacy in the air between you.

Get imaginative with touch

Think of times when you are together on a regular basis other than when you are making love.  Watching television together, preparing a meal, grocery shopping…things like this.

Consider where you might touch your lover in a place that usually goes ignored.  The inside of the arm, neck, ears, and small of the back are possibilities.  Perhaps it has just been too long since you were in the habit of resting your hands on each other’s thighs when sitting together.

Make a habit of reaching over and touching each other in ways that communicate, “You are my beloved, I am yours, and that is wonderful.”  Always take a moment or two and be present with your touch.  Look at him or her and feel your love and appreciation for the privilege of loving each other.

Lighten up and have fun

If life has been weighing on you and making you far too serious too much of the time, find things for you and your lover to laugh about.  Learning to laugh at yourself, admitting to your flaws in humorous ways, acknowledges the fact that the two of share intimate knowledge of one another that goes beyond the physical.  It heightens your sense of togetherness.

Be sensitive, though.  Be sure to laugh with your partner, not at them.  Invite their compassion, not their competitive edge.

Find reasons to genuinely appreciate your lover’s extended family

Perhaps it is so that we will move out there and start our own families, but most people have a difficult time dealing with each other’s extended family members.  An easy and even lazy way for couples to create intimacy is to gossip and put down their own and each other’s family members.

A better way is to discover what you can truly appreciate in at least one member of your lover’s extended family and communicate that to your lover and the family member.  When you genuinely care for those he or she loves, your lover feels appreciated too.  Whenever we feel seen or appreciated, soulful intimacy grows.

Be present for sights, sounds, scents, tastes, and textures

When you are in that love at first glance relationship, everything about your lover is new, mysterious, and desirable.

The way his skin tastes, the scent of her body, the curve of her hips, the light in his hair, the way her pinky toe lies at a different angle from the rest, and his “innie” belly button are just a few of many things that capture the attention, the heart, and the kundalini!  With all your senses heightened, you are present for everything.

In the beginning, it can be overwhelming.  As time goes on, it can seem to disappear forever.  It doesn’t have to.

Simply be present the next time she undresses in front of you and let yourself relish how you admire her beauty.  Be present the next time he gets out of the shower and relish how you admire all his masculine features.  Breathe softly through your mouth and feel your body relax and open to your lover.

When you practice just these five tips for creating soulful intimacy (not to mention the many more your own imagination can discover), closing the gap for even greater physical intimacy is sure to follow!

"The Little Black Book of Sex Positions"

by Dan & Jennifer
(Now Available on Amazon!)

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