How to Reignite Your Love When It Feels Like The Fire Is Dying


The other night I watched Keith Urban’s video “Sweet Thing” about falling in love. It got me to thinking about that sweet, potent time when love is new. Here are some of the lyrics:

When I picked you up for our first date baby
Well, your pretty blue eyes, they were drivin’ me crazy
And the tiny little thought that was so amazing
Is they were lookin at me.
I held open the car door for you then you climbed
Inside and slid on over
To the other side.. I thought my, oh my..
Sweet thing
The moon is high and the night is young
Come on and meet me
In the backyard under the cottonwood tree
It’s a good thing and I’m wishin
C’mon sweet thing
Won’t you climb on out of your window
While the world is sleepin
Cause you know I need you
And there’s no way I’ll be leavin
Til we’re kissing on the porch swing
Oh my little sweet thing

Is Your Love Fading?

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Whenever it seems like the fire of your love is fading, one of the quickest ways to fan the flames is to think, do, and be the way you were when you fell in love. Following are some reminders of how you were together back then.

When you fell in love, you looked at each other in the eyes with compassion, kindness, appreciation, and adoration. How long has it been since this was the usual way you looked at him or you gazed at her?

When you touched each other back then, you really felt it. Touching each other penetrated your skin, coursing through your muscles to your very bones. You felt it through and through because you craved this person’s touch. How long has it been since you were fully present while giving and receiving touch with your lover?

The first time you saw his chest hair, it sent a shiver through your body. The first time you touched her breast, it lit you up like a roman candle! You did not take this person’s body for granted but were mystified by its treasures. How long has it been since the sight of any part of his or her body filled your imagination with awe?

How To Bring It Back

Take a minute or two or twenty or more, go back in time, and remember the appreciation, adoration, compassion, and kindness. Feel the smile play on your lips at the memory. Then turn your attention to him or her and revisit those heart felt days. Fan the flame of your love with the kind of presence you brought to the relationship when it was new and reap the rewards!

If it has been years since you related to each other this way, you may need to get into the habit of this level of being present on a regular basis before the rewards really roll in. Lack of appreciation and attention, the fires of your love fading, can result in resentment and hard feelings. Suddenly becoming interested and amorous can feel false and pretentious. But revisiting that space, allowing it to open your heart and letting it work its magic bit by bit will make a difference over time.

If it hasn’t been that long since you related to each other this way, develop a “discipline” of returning to that potent time of falling in love as a booster shot for your love. It will be the most fun work you will ever put into your relationship!

"The Little Black Book of Sex Positions"

by Dan & Jennifer
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