I’ve Shown My Commitment to Him. Now Why Won’t He Propose?


You’re in a committed relationship. You’ve shown your commitment to your partner in one way or the other, and now you’re ready for them to show theirs. Will they propose? When will you get the ring? How can you let your partner know that you’re ready to take the next step?

While approaching your partner and flat out telling them they need to propose is not necessarily a good idea, there are ways to communicate your emotional needs about commitment to your partner without putting the pressure on.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I’ve been with by BF for 2.5 years – both divorced with kids. I am moving an hour away from my work & family to be closer to him. Thing is, now that I have shown my commitment by buying a house and moving closer to him, I would like for him to show his and give me a ring.

We don’t intend to marry for several years yet but I would love that we are sharing with our children & families that we ‘intend’ to one day. I am taking a huge step and it would be a wonderful representation of his efforts if we could have that symbol. Marriage is not important to him as he feels committed without that.

How do I share that a ring is not just a material object to me, without pushing him away?


Why Are You Looking For A Ring?

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Often, people will keep scores in their relationships. They may feel that because they did something for their partner, they’re owed something in return. Is this why you’re looking for a ring? You’ve proved your love and commitment, and now you feel it’s time for them to prove theirs. Is this healthy? Actually, it’s not.

Relationships aren’t about keeping score or proving anything. You’re with your partner because you love them and you do things for them because you love them. This is what makes a relationship beautifully dynamic! If you’re looking for a ring so your partner can “prove” their love to you, you might be looking for the wrong reasons.

This doesn’t mean you have to give up all hopes of getting a ring, however. For many people, rings are a symbol of commitment and they’re a wonderful way to share your love with each other.

Telling Your Partner What A Ring Means To You

If a ring would mean a lot to you emotionally, you’re certainly entitled to let your partner know how you feel. The important part of letting your partner know what’s going on in your mind is not to tell your partner that they “have” to give you a ring, or that they “should.”

Let your partner know what a ring symbolizes to you and how having one would make you feel. Keep the discussion about how you feel, and not what you expect. This will keep the conversation from going downhill and backfiring.

What If They’re Not Ready?

You may let your partner know that you’re ready to take the next step and that having a ring would mean a lot to you, only to have your partner let you know that they’re not ready. It might be an emotional blow, but if your partner isn’t ready, they’re just not ready. Don’t force your partner into engagement or marriage.

They should be able to take that step when they feel comfortable, not because you’ve forced them to. Accept that your partner isn’t ready for marriage or engagement and leave it alone. If you love each other and you’re committed to each other, you can wait it out until your partner is ready to make the next step.

Focus on your positive relationship and how much you and your partner love each other rather than focusing on what “isn’t” happening. Let your relationship take its natural course. Both you and your partner will be happier knowing that you gave your relationship time to grow and mature, and only when the time was right did you move on to the next step. Sometimes, things are worth waiting for!

"The Little Black Book of Sex Positions"

by Dan & Jennifer
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