Q&A: When She Says You Deserve Someone Better


Asking a girl out, or telling a girl that you have romantic feelings for her, can be intimidating. If she returns your feelings, great. If she doesn’t, that’s ok too. But what if she tells you that you deserve someone better? What does it mean? Does she like you but have poor self esteem, or is she just trying to let you down easy? Here’s how you can figure out this difficult situation.

Question: What do you do when you tell her how you feel about her but she says you deserve someone better?

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She’s Letting You Down Easy

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Sometimes women find it difficult to let a guy down if she doesn’t return his feelings. She doesn’t want to hurt him, so she finds a way to blame herself instead of just saying that she doesn’t have romantic feelings for you. This may be the case if you’ve revealed your romantic feelings for her and she’s told you that you “deserve someone better.” She may be too afraid to tell you the truth.

She Has Poor Self Esteem

Many women have poor self esteem and if she’s told you that you deserve someone better than her, she may really believe it. She may feel like she’s worthless, or that she doesn’t deserve a healthy, happy relationship. There are many reasons that a woman may feel this way and it has nothing to do with you. She may have had self esteem issues for years, stemming from childhood. It may have to do with her parents or an old, abusive boyfriend. It may even be more than one issue that contributes to her self esteem issues. Regardless of where her poor self esteem stems from, the end result is the same – she can’t commit to a relationship or even begin dating someone because she doesn’t feel like she deserves it. It can be difficult though, to figure out whether she’s telling you that you deserve someone better because she has low self esteem or because she’s trying to let you down easy.

Ask Her To Be Honest With You

The only way to find out what her true motivations are in this situation is to ask her to be truthful with you. Don’t be angry or critical – just be open with her and encourage her to be open and honest with you as well. Tell her that no matter what, you won’t judge her for whatever is going on in her life. Let her know that even if she doesn’t return your romantic feelings and that’s why she told you that you deserve someone better, you’ll understand and that you can be friends if she wants or nothing at all. If she truly has poor self esteem, it’s important to let her know that you want to be there for her and that she’s worth a good relationship. She may not respond right away, but showing that you care for her may lead to a friendship which may turn into a romantic relationship at some point when she feels ready.

"The Little Black Book of Sex Positions"

by Dan & Jennifer
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