Relationship advice is something all couples need, especially when making a big decision together. Here’s how to get through it without... continue reading
Relationship advice is something all couples need, especially when making a big decision together. Here’s how to get through it without too much fighting.
When you’re one half of a serious relationship, especially if that relationship is a marriage, you can no longer make large decisions on your own. Everything that you do affects not only you, but also your significant other. Therefore, it’s imperative that you seek out relationship advice and learn how to make major decisions as a unit.
You must become better at judging where to compromise and where to stand your ground. Furthermore, you need to be able to determine when sacrificing something you want and allowing your S.O. to get what they want will be better for your relationship as a whole. This, among other things, will require you to strengthen your communication skills together.
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Take Time To Talk About It
The first step toward making a big decision together is to set aside time to discuss it. Make sure that you’re both in good moods. If you’ve just had an argument or one of you has had a particularly bad day, you’re not going to be in the proper mindset to make a large scale decision.
If you’re both feeling fairly calm and happy, ask your S.O. if you can talk about the big topic at hand. Then eliminate any possible distractions. Turn off the TV or your music, set your phones to silent and put the computer to sleep. This is a potentially life altering choice for both of you, so you want to make sure it has both you and your significant other’s fullest attention. Don’t have the talk if you’ve been drinking or while you’re drinking, either. You should both be in a very clear state of mind.
Lay Out The Facts
Once you’ve found the proper time and setting to hold your discussion, begin by establishing the facts. Let’s say that you’ve decided you’re ready to start having kids, and your S.O. isn’t quite so sure. You need to state your position and the reasons why you feel ready—you don’t want to wait until you’re too old, you feel financially settled, etc.
Then ask your S.O. to explain what they’re feeling and why they’re feeling it. Maybe he or she wants kids, but feels like they need more time to establish themselves at their job first. Without getting defensive or hostile, ask how much more time they think they need. No matter what the topic is, you should do your best to get your mate to open up fully and be honest about their feelings. It’s important that you both be completely open about what you want and your related fears.
Looking For Compromise
After you’ve each fully explained your side of the story, it’s time to look for compromise . In the case of the baby issue, you may have to agree to wait a little longer than you’d like, as long as your S.O. agrees to get started a little earlier than they’d hoped. When meeting in the middle is a possibility, go for it. Of course, sometimes it isn’t.
Perhaps your issue is that your mate wants to move to a new city to take a promotion in their job, and you don’t want to move because you’ll be giving up your current job to do so. In a case like that, there’s no way to fully compromise, so you’ll ultimately have to decide what will be best for your partnership. Step back and attempt to view things more logically. Will there be other job possibilities for you in this new city? Is your S.O. the bigger bread winner in your relationship, or are you? Do the pros for one side outweigh the cons for the other?
Staying Calm, Cool And Rational
If you and your S.O. can keep the right relationship advice in mind and both keep your cool and be as rational as possible, you’ll find you’re able to reach a consensus sooner rather than later. That doesn’t mean that either of you should be a pushover, but it does mean that you can’t let emotions alone rule your choices. Most importantly, though, you have to remember that you’re no longer in it only for your own good. The health, happiness, and success of your relationship as a couple are now your priority when it comes to making big choices.