Be Careful Your Independence Doesn’t Destroy Your Relationship


Andrea and Scott had been seeing each other exclusively for about four months.  Andrea was ready to take the relationship to the next level.  She wanted to live with Scott but neither of them had enough room in their respective apartments for the other to move in.

Andrea tried to lure the let’s-move-in-together conversation out of Scott to no avail.  However, she had gotten him to share with her his dreams of the perfect house and then she went out looking for it!

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Finding it, she rented it.  Confident that making this house available to the two of them would turn the tide in her favor, Andrea could not wait to tell Scott her good news.  The next time she saw him, she made her announcement.

“Scott, wait till you hear, I’ve rented a house!  It is wonderful!  It has three bedrooms and two baths.  It has a charming little patio out back with room for a grill.  The appliances are all brand new!  Do you want to move in with me?  It is exactly the kind of house we’ve talked about.  I can have an office, you can have a workout room, and we can each have a bathroom if we want it that way!  Um…Scott…what’s wrong?”

Scott quit making eye contact with Andrea.  Feeling extremely uncomfortable, he knew that telling her he did not want to move in with her would mean risking a “relationship” conversation, where he would invariably find out his feelings about not wanting to take this step meant he had disappointed her.

He had never encouraged her in this way.  He resented finding himself cornered and knew better than to agree to something he did not want at this time.

Finally, he said, “I’m happy for you with your new home.  I can help you move, if you like.”

Andrea’s heart sank and her face fell, revealing all her disappointment and embarrassment.  She felt rejected and feared the relationship was over.

This scenario and others like it seem to be the norm for romantic relationships these days.  When I was growing up in the 1970’s, grade-school girls did not call boys.  Boys called girls.  If you wanted to hear from your favorite guy, you had to send the right signals while you were at school together and hope for the best.

Girls Chasing Boys is the Norm

Girls who called boys got reputations.  By today’s standards that must seem naïve and innocent!  These days, girls chasing boys is no big deal.  Nevertheless, maybe it ought to be.

In the past thirty-five years, we have raised more daddy’s girls than ever before!  We want our young women to be independent, action-oriented, and successful.  We want them to be able to take care of themselves because in this uncertain world more women are taking care of not only themselves but also their children and their parents on their own.

Daddy’s girls traditionally have the moxie and personal power to make it in a man’s world.  In addition, fathers do not have to be present for daddy’s girls to be created.  Out of longing for or even out of resentment of a missing father, a little girl can be so bound to him that she cannot help but grow up her father’s daughter.

If You’re Not Careful, Independence Can Ruin a Relationship

The problem is all that wonderful independence a daddy’s girl carries can wreck a relationship!  When it comes to the battle between the sexes, the old proverb, “The more things change, the more they stay the same,” holds true for biological reasons that date back to humanity’s first appearance on this planet.

Men, built and hardwired to protect, defend, chase, and hunt, are most powerful in their position to choose a mate when they are grounded in their masculinity.  Women, built and hardwired to connect, bond, protect, receive, and nurture, are most powerful in their position to create a mate when they are grounded in their femininity.

Wait For It!

As frustrating as it would be for Andrea to wait for Scott to make the first move in taking the relationship to the next level, doing so would be far more satisfying than putting him in a position to disappoint her and creating a situation where she fears she has lost the relationship.  Besides, grounded feminine energy doesn’t just sit and wait.

A woman grounded in her feminine energy communicates to her man on a regular basis that she respects his thoughts, ideas, feelings, and actions.  In this way, his confidence to share new ideas with her grows.

Therefore, when he is ready to pop the question that will take the relationship to the next level, he will not hesitate to ask.  In the meantime, the relationship is given time to be tested so that both partners know what they want when it is time to take it to the next phase.

Get Back in Touch With Your Feminine Goddess

A daddy’s girl can be a marvel to behold.  Whatever their realm of influence, daddy’s girls get things done.  Rather than discourage my fellow daddy’s girls, I encourage us to get back in touch with the deep feminine goddess energy in both our alone time and in our romantic relationships.  It will feed us like life giving nectar and improve our romantic lives.

If you are a man with a daddy’s girl in your life, patiently and passionately encourage her to be intentional about slowing down and allowing herself the delight of receiving from you your masculine potency.  Whether you express it sexually, through getting chores done, by taking care of something she usually does herself, etc. encourage her to take this option seriously!

When a daddy’s girl starts slowing down, allowing her deep, sexy, feminine energy to bubble to the surface, it can feel nerve wracking.  It is worth it to work past how uncomfortable it feels until you get used to it.  It is life giving to your soul and will bring joy and happiness to your relationship.

"The Little Black Book of Sex Positions"

by Dan & Jennifer
(Now Available on Amazon!)

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