First Time Oral Sex: What You Need To Know


Oral sex can be nerve wracking, especially if you haven’t tried it before. Here’s how to get started if you’ve never gone “down there” before.

Question: I’ve yet to go down on my girlfriend, and I’m really not sure where to start. I’m a bit nervous, but not scared just eager to get started. What do you suggest for a first-timer like me?

His First Time

  • Check to make sure that she’s really excited before oral sex starts.
  • If you think you’re going too fast, you probably are. Remind yourself often to slow things down a bit, and take your time. There’s no rush.
  • Focus on being gentle and creating rhythmic pressure. Ignore whatever your friends have told you, or anything pornography-related that you’ve watched or read. Having said that, being gentle doesn’t mean not engaged or floppy; you still want to be firm and focused, just not so aggressive and eager that you hurt your partner.
  • Ignore her clitoris for the first little bit. There will be lots of time to get there, but for now explore the rest of her while she’s getting excited.
  • Follow a set series of licks to see what she likes and what she responds too. Feel free to ask her what feels good, but don’t ask her so many questions that she can’t get lost in the moment either.
  • Share with her how much you’re enjoying going down on her!
  • Don’t worry about the g-spot or any fancy handwork in the beginning.
  • Feel what works and what doesn’t for both of you. Let yourself find a rhythm and get lost in it. Let your body do what feels right, and don’t over think it.
  • Make her pleasure your first priority, not her orgasm. Focus on the fun, not just the end result. If you’re enjoying yourself, she will too.

The first few times she may not have an orgasm when you go down on her and that’s okay. Just enjoy the process, learn more about each other sexually, and as time progresses it’ll happen eventually.

Her First Time

Question: My guy wants to go down on me, and I don’t really know what to think. No one has ever given me an orgasm before, although I have faked it a few times. I am able to orgasm during masturbation, just not with a partner. He says that he’ll make me orgasm when he goes down on me, and I like the idea of that. Still, I’m nervous and scared that he might not like how I taste or smell, and that I won’t be able to orgasm with him either no matter how hard he tries. What should I do?

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Your boyfriend sounds like he’s got the right mindset, and he’s already figured out that he’s more likely to give you an orgasm using his tongue than with sexual intercourse. Your clitoris is where the action is at, and why you’re able to consistently give yourself an orgasm via masturbation too. Sex in and of itself rarely gives a woman an orgasm, unless she’s found a great angle that stimulates her clitoris from the outside and/or inside. Obviously you already know what rhythm and pressure works for you to reach climax, so it’s just a matter of time before your boyfriend finds the same thing.

As well, you’re eager and interested, even if you have some residual trepidations and that’s okay. You can orgasm with masturbation, so that means there’s a good chance you can with oral sex too. Here’s what I recommend for your first few forays with your boyfriend:

  • Try and make your focus about having fun and the pleasure your boyfriend wants to give you. Ignore whether or not you orgasm; it’s not the end result you’re looking for the first few times out.
  • Let your boyfriend get excited about giving you oral sex, and share with him about your focus too that you want it to be fun and pleasurable, and that you want to just learn how to enjoy the experience rather than try to climax right away. You both need to be on the same page for this to work.
  • Take lots of time for foreplay before you start receiving oral sex. Spend more time than normal getting prepped, excited and in the mood. What gets you aroused when you masturbate? Feel free to use those things too.
  • If when you masturbate a dildo or other toy is used, ask your boyfriend if he’d be willing to use it on you too.
  • Show your boyfriend what feels good and what doesn’t. Let him see how you masturbate, what rhythm you enjoy, what types of pressure work for you, and when. Now isn’t the time to be shy, but rather, share what works.
  • If your boyfriend does something you like tell him! Give him lots of positive reinforcement, and give him ideas when something doesn’t feel quite right. It might be that you aren’t quite excited enough for whatever it was he tried, so he can try it again later. Whatever you do, be sure to tell him he’s doing great and appreciate him for his efforts.
  • Baths, candles, sensual massages, lubrication and creating a romantic atmosphere will all help you relax and feel clean, sexy and ready for action.
  • Do whatever you need to get in the same head space as when you masturbate. How do you relax then and let go? What distracts you? Keep an eye on it all the next time you play with yourself, and then use those same techniques when your boyfriend is around too.

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by Dan & Jennifer
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