Mastering Confident Body Language


Body language is a sure way to tell if your partner is enjoying what you’re doing during sex or not. Here’s how to be a master of bedroom body language.

The “Outside-In” Body Language Method

Many think mastering body language means consciously controlling one’s movements. Take “confidence” for example. To exhibit such, one is told not to slouch, to keep the chest and chin up, broaden the shoulders, avoid fluttery eye movements and speak in low tones. Get those down and you will come off assured, certain and confident.

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This is the “outside-in” method. It’s a “fake it ‘til you make it” thing where you initially feel like an incompetent idiot for trying to be somebody you’re not. You don’t own the gestures but merely acting it out, so it feels a bit off.

When this faked confidence undergoes hardcore testing, such as during dating, it’ll definitely break – because the genuine article doesn’t exist – yet.

But over time, something very interesting happens. You gradually become genuinely confident! By acting it out, you tricked yourself into believing it. Gestures from the outside have affected how you feel inside. The mind comes to believe the gestures and soon enough, the actions aren’t that awkward anymore – you own them. You stop reminding yourself to be confident, you simply are!

Some neat trick, huh?

Yeah, it’s all good, but we’re not doing that here.


It’s too slow and it doesn’t work for a lot of people. The whole façade crumbles long before the genuine articles begin to appear. Many onlookers don’t buy it in the first place. Trying to look cool, calm and confident often results in a strange, mixed message – and the very act of straining to keep the façade together indicates what’s really happening inside.

Can you imagine the clarity with which women see beyond the pretense?! You may stand upright all you want, but your blushing cheeks will give you away. You may be speaking in low tones, but those occasional cracks become very telling.

Faking it doesn’t guarantee making it.

There’s a more effective way. And the key is not to deal with non-verbals in piecemeal, step-by-step fashion. A woman doesn’t do that, she doesn’t measure the angles to which you tilt your head or the straightness of your back. She’s not trying to read or judge how you come off. To her, it’ll be just a gut feel, a funny intuition – it’s just there. That’s how minds work.

The “Inside-Out” Body Language Method

There’s an easier, more effective way. Gestures are most powerful when they come somewhere deep, that is, when they faithfully mirror what is really inside. We’re talking about core beliefs and attitudes here. The 2nd mode of mastering non-verbal communications is the “inside-out” method What’s inside, affects what is displayed outside. Let me explain.

Notice how easy it is to act happy when you actually are, and how difficult it is to jump for joy when you’re feasting with depression?

Maybe you’ve just had a break up with someone or you’ve just been fired from your regular 9 to 5. Imagine how hard it is to hide your disappointment, sadness, perhaps even anger. Your drooping shoulders and cast down gloom give you away. You work hard containing it, but emotions seep out the moment you put your guard down.

Conversely, when you’re flushed with joy, like when you’ve won the biggest cash prize in the history of lottery – notice that you don’t even try to act in high spirits. You simply are! You’re exploding with glee on the inside and this comes out naturally through the extra bounce in your step and the unmistakable smile you’ve been beaming since lunch. You don’t create the bounce and smile, you don’t even notice them. They simply ooze out.

No practice is required, you’re happy and it jumps out of you!

Both Methods Work, But Which Is Better?

Here’s the thing: Both methods work, (and it’s not like they are mutually exclusive), but one is clearly more powerful than the other. It’s like 2 modes of getting fit. You could enroll in a gym, do aerobic exercises and work the machines, Or, you can live a naturally active lifestyle by walking around a lot, baby-sitting hyperactive nephews and dancing at bars & clubs. Both methods work because they make you sweat and burn calories, one is just more natural than the other.

We’re siding with the 2nd method.

Mastering confident body language is really mastering what’s on the INSIDE.

No need to worry whether or not you’re moving in the sexy, seductive and irresistible way – that’s superficial. Those gestures are but visual reflections of what is inside. The crucial question really is not “How to make your body move?” but “How’s your inside?” – those invisible thoughts & beliefs in your head. Those are the stuff that ultimately matters because your body will find a way to put them on perfect display.

"The Little Black Book of Sex Positions"

by Dan & Jennifer
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