Q&A: I Love Being On Top But He Loses His Erection!


Erectile problems come in lots of different forms. Some men have erectile issues all the time, while others only have erectile issues with condoms, in certain positions, or if they’re not in control of the sexual situation. Here’s what you can do if your man has erectile difficulty in a position that you absolutely love.

Question: Dear Dan and Jen – When me and my boyfriend have sex, I just LOVE going on top. The problem is, his penis softens the minute I’m on top of him, just in a split second.When I asked about it, he said it’s because of the condom, but this doesn’t seem to be a problem in any other position. WHY is this? Aren’t men supposed to love it when the girl is on top? I’m confused – please help!

–YouTube Viewer


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If you find that your partner loses his erection in a certain position, he may just not like that position. It may be uncomfortable for him, or he may find it more difficult to be aroused. Some men really enjoy the feeling of being in control that man-on-top positions offer, and he might not be able to maintain his erection in situations where he feels like the woman is in control, such as in woman-on-top positions. Everyone likes different positions, and everyone has a favorite and if your partner doesn’t have any erectile issues with other positions, it’s likely just a preference issue.

Try Different Condoms

Believe it or not, a lot of men have difficulty getting or maintaining an erection, or having an orgasm with a condom. He should still use one, but there are lots of different styles of condoms available that might help your partner keep his erection during sex and different sex positions. Try a thinner condom to allow your partner to experience more sensations, or try a ribbed or textured condom. Some condoms with lubricants can be irritating for both men and women, especially if the condom has spermicide on it. Try a variety of condoms until you and your partner find the one you like best.

Try Different Positions And Motions

If your partner loses his erection consistently in any one sex position, try varying your movements in that particular position. Try going fast or slow, harder or softer, or move from side to side instead of up and down. Communicate with your partner about what feels good and what doesn’t, so you know the next moves to make. If your partner isn’t being honest with you about why something doesn’t feel good, that doesn’t give you any information about how you can please him. If all else fails, don’t give up on sex completely just because your partner doesn’t like your favorite position. There are hundreds of different positions out there and they’re only limited by your creativity. Try different positions such as spooning or sitting up face to face. You may find that there are other positions that you like even better than woman on top, and they might work better for your partner too! You’ll never know unless you try!

"The Little Black Book of Sex Positions"

by Dan & Jennifer
(Now Available on Amazon!)

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