What To Do When Sex Hurts


Sex tips aren’t always about how to do it better. If sex hurts, you need some suggestions on how to fix the issue. Find out now how to relieve sex pain!

For the woman that finds sex painful, it can be rare to find a position or angle that will help her orgasm with any kind of ease. If she has had this issue for any length of time, she has already associated intercourse with pain in her mind, so overcoming this can be incredibly difficult. There are a handful of reasons why a woman might find sex painful or uncomfortable, but only a doctor can decide what the underlying symptoms might be.

First Timers

The Little Black Book of Sex Positions
List Price:$16.95
You Save:$1.62
Price Disclaimer

Although it’s nothing more than a myth that sex always hurts the first time, for some women, especially if she has never used a sex toy or tampon, it can be very overwhelming. She may have a particularly firm hymen, or she may not be adequately aroused and lubricated to ensure safe penis passage.

Some women also clench up during their first few sexual encounters because they aren’t body-aware and are nervous, or anticipating some form of pain. Go slowly, but if you cannot enter her one finger without serious discomfort, it’s time to visit her doctor.

A Funny Feeling

For many women, sex is more than just a penis entering her vagina. It is a full-body experience, and one that she takes very seriously. If she’s not feeling into it, if you’ve recently had a fight or are otherwise emotionally disconnected from one another, it could be incredibly difficult to make sex work at all, let alone getting her to let go and release.

Take some time to woo your lover again with bubble baths, massages, lots of kissing and foreplay, and try out one of the more intimate, face-to-face positions in this eBook as a starting point. Once she’s feeling comfortable with you, this too shall pass.

Lack Of Lubrication

A woman who has just given birth, or one who is over the age of 40 will likely need a bottle of lubricant nearby during most sexual encounters, but there are a lot of other factors that could inhibit a woman’s ability to get moist. Make sure she’s really excited, because for most women that is the only reason that keeps her from getting slippery.

If you are both sure she’s adequately aroused, grab some water-based lube for all-round, long lasting use. Warm it up with your hands first so it doesn’t surprise her, then lovingly massage her labia and vaginal opening with a little drop before entering her.

Have Patience

Yes, some women can orgasm quickly during intercourse, but this kind of quick release is a learned skill that she has to perfect over an extended period of time. For most women, getting to orgasm will take at least twenty minutes, but could be even closer to the forty minute mark with foreplay and fingering, especially if she hasn’t reached climax during sex before, or is still learning to make it there consistently.

Take your time when seducing your partner and really enjoy the experience for as long as you can. You don’t need to clock-watch – just chill out and take your time. Rushing her will only increase her anxiety about reaching the mark, and you’ll be defeated before you’ve even begun.

Allergies Or Medications

The special spots between a woman’s legs are highly sensitive, and for some women, prone to rashes or irritation. If she is complaining before sex that she’s not feeling 100% ‘down there,’ take the time to investigate and ask questions. Has she used any new products lately, such as a douche or laundry soap? Have you changed brands of condoms or lube? Did she get sunburned, has her personal sexual activity changed?

Have you been playing with food or other strange insertions? Any of these things can impair her comfort and ability to climax. If after a week or so of waiting for things to heal or clear up after changing products or habits, a trip to her doctor is the next step.


No, I don’t mean her behaviour in this case, but rather how things are flowing ‘down there.’ When her body is backed up or her cycle is strange, she may struggle with feeling sexy, or worry that she’ll have to run to the bathroom in the middle of a session. She might not have the body-comfort necessary to share this kind of information with you, so you may just need to wait a day or two if you think this could be an issue, and see if it works itself out.

A Jaded Past

When a woman has been sexually abused or treated poorly in any past sexual relationship, it will affect your relationship with her, no questions asked. If she is willing to talk about it with you, listen carefully to determine what bothers her most. You need to determine her triggers and avoid situations that might remind her of the past. If past abuse holds her up sexually, suggest the two of you go to professional help together so that she can move passed her past, and you can learn how to please her in new and exciting ways.

When To Call The Doctor

There are a few instances where a medical problem comes in between you and your partner’s personal enjoyment. For women who find sex extremely painful during penetration, it might be necessary to visit a doctor and rule out Vaginismus. It is a relatively rare condition, but there are options for treatment. Take a trip with her to her gynaecologist, or even her G.P. If you would like to learn more about Vaginismus, show an interest and participate in the process, so you can find out what you can do to help her scream in ecstasy instead of pain.

"The Little Black Book of Sex Positions"

by Dan & Jennifer
(Now Available on Amazon!)

Related Articles