What Gives A Woman Sex Appeal?


Recently I ran across a fellow relationship coach’s online sales copy for a membership site she offers to women.  It promised all kinds of yummy things.  Better sex, greater intimacy, your man looking at you the way he did when you first fell in love or, if you were single, men looking at you in ways they never did before.  She delivered the invitation in a video that was smart, sexy, and charming.

Stopping Sexual Manipulation

Who wouldn’t want that?  I wanted to know more, so I signed up for more information.  Immediately, I got directed to another page with long sales copy and another video.  As the video began, I scrolled down the page, speed reading the copy.  Suddenly, I heard her say something from the video I couldn’t believe I’d heard!  But I did…I heard it!  She said, “We need to stop making men wrong for all the ways they piss us off!  I totally validate you, but…”  Then a moment later, I heard this, “We’ve got to stop withholding sex from them when they’ve been little s**ts!  Again, I totally validate you!  Yet this is high level manipulation and it’s got to end because it’s pushing away the very connection you yearn for.”

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Hold on!  I think the attitude behind those statements pushes away the very connection a woman yearns for!  At that point, she didn’t sound smart, sexy, or charming.  While her intention in the first video seemed to be to connect women with their delicious, pleasure filled, goddess selves in order to draw forth the sex appeal that would attract more men than the women know what to do with; the attitude expressed in the second video, in my opinion, had nothing to do with connection, pleasure, or sex appeal that would turn a man’s head.

What Makes A Sexy Woman?

The sexiest women I know don’t call men names and they don’t commiserate with other women about how their men disappoint them.  The sexiest women I know genuinely like men.  They think men are pretty great.  Rather than being threatened by a man’s testosterone, they admire how it makes men different in all the ways that compliment women.

Women with lots of sex appeal enjoy the company of men.  They like to listen to men share their stories of victory and defeat.  These women make lots of direct eye contact, neither getting lost in the man nor being preoccupied with themselves. Women with lots of sex appeal like and love themselves.  They enjoy their own company.  They’re not waiting for the right man to come along to fill them and make them complete.  They are already whole and complete, fully understanding what they bring to the relationship.

Relationships With Sexy Women

I’ve observed these kinds of women and while I personally find them very appealing, it’s how their men interact with them that seals the deal on my willingness to say these are the sexiest women I know.  Their men genuinely enjoy their company.  Their men are chivalrous without being condescending.  Their men laugh at their jokes, appreciating their minds as well as their bodies and the light in their eyes.  Their men are smitten and rightly so!

If you asked my husband, Joseph, he’d probably tell you I’m just such a woman.  I don’t know about that!  I have my own struggles with letting the men in my life be men.  Yesterday, I had a personal victory where feminine sex appeal is concerned.  The nature of the victory might surprise you but it is an example of how this gets played out in the day-to-day minutia of life.

As I cleaned up the kitchen after a meal Joseph had cooked, he came in from digging up potatoes with two mysteriously shaped boxes that had just been delivered.  The type of boxes posters are mailed in, I laughed as I realized they were the Rain-X windshield wipers I’d ordered for our car.

We opened the boxes and he got busy taking out the wipers, reading the directions, and started doing what he thought needed to be done to prepare them to replace our old wipers with them.  This activity made me nervous.  At one point I gently offered that I’d be happy to be the one to go to some car place and ask them to put them on for me.  That got no response.  Several minutes later he asked, “Are you sure you got the right wipers for our car?”  “Yes!” I replied.

A little bit later he said, “Could you hand me a kitchen knife.”  Inside my head I took note of which wiper he had in his hands and how much it cost and refused to say, “Don’t break it!” as I handed him the knife for him to use as a tool.  I don’t know how many times I refused to say out loud, “Don’t break it!” Suddenly, there was a snap and it was done.  The wiper was ready to go on the car and it was perfect!  Wah-hooo!  He felt great about getting them on himself and I felt wonderful for having kept my mouth shut, my attitude in a good place, and the day moving forward without a hitch!

Be Confident In Your Man

That, my friends, makes me a sexually appealing woman!  Had I failed and said, “Don’t break it,” my lack of confidence in my man and my need to feel superior would have been like throwing cold water on both of us.  Even if we had lightly teased each other about it, I would have felt chagrin and he would have felt some measure of shame. Honestly, sometimes the differences between men and women are experienced as incredibly frustrating.  

However, the more we can appreciate the mystery of the differences between the sexes and choose to genuinely like each other, the greater our sex appeal and the more love we get to experience.  At the end of the day, it’s all about the more love we get to experience!

"The Little Black Book of Sex Positions"

by Dan & Jennifer
(Now Available on Amazon!)

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