Dating Advice: Who Should Make the First Move?


In today’s dating world, long gone are the days of Sadie Hawkins dances. Now it’s as common for girls to ask out guys as it is the other way around. Yet some women still prefer to be pursued, and some men still prefer to be the pursuer. When you’ve met someone new and are interested in dating them, how can you tell which of you should make the first move? Observing their general behavior during your initial encounter can be very helpful, along with assessing just how comfortable you are being the asker.

Should She Ask Him Out?

If you’re the lady in the equation, it’s important to figure out what kind of guy you’re dealing with. If he’s a confident guy and is showing obvious interest in you, there’s a good chance he’ll do the asking. Of course, his big personality may attract lots of women, so he may be used to being hotly pursued.

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If he seems like the life of the party, you can actually go either way. You can rest assured that he’s accustomed to women asking him out, so he won’t be bothered by you making the move. On the other hand, playing hard to get and making him do some of the work might actually pay off more for you. Men who are used to being chased after are often more intrigued by the women that make them do the chasing.

How To Do It

If you follow the latter option, make sure to flirt it up and make your affection for him just obvious enough that he knows you’re interested.Then sit back and wait for him to come to you. If you find yourself interested in a shy type, you’re most likely going to have to ask him out. This is especially true if you’re not shy yourself, as your overt confidence may be slightly intimidating to a shy guy. If you yourself are also shy or simply don’t believe in making the first move, take heart.

The best way to ask him out without really doing so is getting a friend to intervene. Have a mutual friend let him know that you’re interested in a seemingly uncontrived way. That should be all the confidence boosting he’ll need to make a move on you.

Should He Ask Her Out?

What if you’re the guy in the scenario? Guys can always feel comfortable with making the first move. Even if the woman you ask is used to asking guys out first, she won’t be put off by you beating her to the punch. Luckily for them, men have never had to worry about the unfortunate stigma of seeming desperate if they pursue someone.

Some women still fear that stigma though, so you can make it easier on her and ask a girl out. The modern man does need to worry about becoming too complacent, though. If you’re the type of guy that gets asked out all the time, be careful not to get too comfortable with it.

If you assume that you should let the ladies do all the work, you may miss out on some great catches. There are plenty of wonderful women out there who might be a little shy, a tad old fashioned, or just prefer to feel sought after. Even if you’re a lady magnet, you should take a chance now and again and ask out a girl you’re into.

On the flip side, even if you’re an old fashioned guy and prefer to do the asking, don’t shy away from a woman who’s bold enough to ask you out. In the current dating scene, a woman can make the first move without being a generally pushy person.

Be True To Yourself

Finally, whether you’re a boy or a girl, remain true to your own style. If you really don’t feel comfortable asking someone out, then don’t. That just means that you need to be pursued by someone to be happy, so you probably won’t enjoy dating a person whom you had to make the first move with anyway. Odds are good they’ll keep expecting you to take the lead throughout the relationship, which is probably not your thing.

More importantly, so much of the early dating process is about being in the moment. Trust your gut! If you feel like doing the asking, go for it. The worst thing that can happen is that the guy or gal you ask will say no. That just means it probably wasn’t meant to be to begin with. The truth is that there are no hard and fast rules when it comes to approaching a potential date.

If you can get a feel for the person you’re interested in and go with what’s comfortable for you, you’ll make the right decision every time.

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