The QuestionI’ve recently had feelings for this girl and it turns out she’s had feelings for me as well.We’ve been friends with... continue reading
I’ve recently had feelings for this girl and it turns out she’s had feelings for me as well.
We’ve been friends with each other for years but there’s always been something more there.
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She told me that she had liked me more than a friend in the past and she does presently, and it’s the same story with me.
A few days ago we kissed for the first time after we had been out with a group of friends but were alone at the time. From that point on I considered us to be “official” and that’s also what she said to me after the kiss.
However, just two days later she sent me a text message saying “I can’t do this, I just can’t right now.”
She has been messed around by boyfriends in the past and treated particularly badly by her previous boyfriend. I’m afraid this has something to do with it.
I really want to make it happen with this girl. Any ideas?????
So what would you do in this situation?
Force the issue and tell her to get over it or maybe sit back and wait for her indefinitely?
Here’s what I would do in the same situation.
It sounds like she’s a little “gun shy” and who can blame her. Give her time and show her that you’re not like her previous boyfriends. She may just be really nervous about crossing the “dating” line and taking the risk of losing you as a friend.
Talk to her.
Tell her openly and honestly how you feel without putting any pressure on her. Let her know that you’re there for her regardless of whether or not she’s your girlfriend or just your friend. Whether your relationship with her is labeled as “romantic” or not, it sounds like you have a good relationship, one worth keeping. Too many people let their hormones drive their intellect and ruin a perfectly good relationship – don’t be one of those.
If she just wants to keep you as a friend, it doesn’t mean that she’s rejecting you as a person. It simply means that she’s not ready for a romantic relationship and doesn’t want to date you right now. So many men get angry over this situation because they take it personally, but most likely it has nothing to do with you – she’s already told you that she’s attracted to you.
Ask yourself why you want to take the relationship to the next level.
Is it physical attraction and sex? Are you looking for a long term relationship? Do you just want to know that you have a girlfriend?
There are no right or wrong answers, but it’s important for you to know what you’re looking for so that you can help her better understand. And if you don’t know what you’re looking for that’s OK too. Just make sure to be honest with her.
Ask her to be honest with you and don’t judge her when she is.
If the previous boyfriends really are the reason, then you’ll need to respect and accept that if you really care for her. If she’s just not emotionally ready to be in a romantic relationship, then she shouldn’t be in one with you or anyone else.
So many people make the mistake of getting into a relationship when they’re really not ready to be involved at that level with another person and it usually ends badly and with regrets on both sides. So make sure she’s ready and don’t push. Let her know that you’ll be there for her when she’s ready – if that’s something that you’re willing to do.
Don’t stop being friends just because of a kiss.
I’ll take one good friend over 10 girlfriends any day!
Maybe there’ll be more to your relationship and maybe there won’t, but you’ll both have more respect and trust for each other in the end. It’s not always easy, but try to enjoy your relationship for where it is today.
Whatever is going to happen tomorrow will happen tomorrow and that’s OK. Always live in the Now.