Dating is fun, but sometimes you want to move on to something more committed. How can you tell if your partner is ready to move past the... continue reading
Dating is fun, but sometimes you want to move on to something more committed. How can you tell if your partner is ready to move past the dating phase?
I’m dating this amazing guy. But I’m the first girl he’s dated seriously since his last serious relationship ended. I want a future with him, and I’m ready to open myself up and give my heart to him, but I want to be sure. How do I know I’m not his rebound girl?
What She Said:
Beware of “Ghost Sex!” He may like you; or he could mentally be placing his ex-girlfriend’s face on your body and going to town. Sorry to sound so crass – but the old adage, “The best way to get over someone is get under someone” is often true. I’m sure he enjoys your company; but the fact is, depending on how recent the breakup, your presence might just be keeping him warm until his heart has healed.
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Are You A Rebound?
How to spot a rebound? Be honest with yourself. Does he talk about her a lot? Are there still pictures everywhere? Does he seem angry or flinch if her name is brought up? If so, chances are his mind is still on the relationship and not in the present with you. If it was a long-term relationship, his penis will most likely be ready to move on before his heart. If you’re looking for sex and nothing more, this can be a fun time for both of you. If you’re hooked on this guy, stay away until he’s had time to sort things out.
Honestly, if I’m into a guy, my rule of thumb is to not be the first girl he’s with after a serious relationship. I find that you’re usually dealing with the fallout of the past and not the good stuff. Even guys need time to work through their feelings – whether they show it or not. It’d be great to move on as if nothing ever happened – but the hurt is there somewhere, and it will find a way to come out.
Getting His Mind On YOU
You’re worth 100% of his attention. Again, if you’re looking for a fling, this is a fine time to get some no strings attached lovin’. But, given that you’re bummed out, I’d cool it with this guy. Chances are if you set your boundaries and treat yourself with respect, it’ll be you and not his ex he’s thinking about in no time.
What He Said:
I feel really old, because I thought “Ghost Sex” involved Whoopi Goldberg, Demi Moore, and Patrick Swayze. Nevertheless, I am undaunted and proudly declare “Ghost Sex” to be my new favorite word and hereby dedicate the remainder of my existence to the gratuitous use of the term until it gets old for me (hint: it won’t. I’m like a five year old.)
Here’s a thought: if you haven’t met his friends, or if he doesn’t spend money on you or if you only meet in the backseat of his car, then well, you’re just for fun. You really need to figure out how long it’s been since the end of his last serious relationship and how serious was it (marriage, living together, etc) and how messy or amicable was the break up.
Trust Your Gut Feelings
Recovery time is a tricky thing. Everyone heals from injury at different speeds, so he may be ready for another relationship right away. Or maybe not. And he may not know where he’s at in that process. So go with your gut if it feels right, then it is. If it doesn’t, well…it’s time to cut the cord.