Q&A: How To Turn Down A Good Friend Who Wants To Date


When a friend wants to date and you don’t return the feelings, it can make for an uncomfortable situation for both of you. You’ve turned him down, but he’s still at it and it’s starting to get a little creepy! Here’s how you can let him know that you’re not interested in being more than friends and actually get him to hear you.

Question: There is this guy that I’m friends with and he’s a nice guy but I don’t have any interest in him other than friends. He asked me out and I said no, but he is still sending me gifts and asking me out. Having to reject him constantly is getting kind of pathetic and is creeping me out! How can I get him to get over me without hurting his feelings?

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One of the main reasons that people who want to be more than friends keep at it even after they’ve been turned down multiple times is because the person they like is giving them mixed signals. You may have turned him down, but you also may have given him some kind of signal that makes him think he just needs to try harder. It’s time for a sit down talk with this guy to let him know that you’re really not interested in any kind of relationship beyond just friends. Period.

Safety Tip: When telling him that you’re not into him that way, make sure you’re in a public place during the day where there are other people around. Tell a friend where you’re going and when you expect to be back. Take your cell phone with you. DO NOT meet him at his house or yours, or anywhere at night. He may just be a sweet guy who is a little too intense, or he may wig out after being rejected face to face like that. Just make sure you’re being safe and that you’re not giving him the opportunity to harm you in any way.

Don’t Answer The “Why” Questions

When you have “the talk” with him, he may ask you why you don’t like him or what’s wrong with him. Don’t answer these questions! If you do, you’re giving him the opportunity to change what you think is wrong with him and then he’ll believe that once he’s “changed” that you’ll like him. This is not what you want to have happen. Let him know that these are your feelings and this is all about you. He is perfectly dateable material and there’s nothing wrong with him, but the romantic connection between you and him just isn’t there and you’re simply not moving beyond friends.

Do You Really Want To Be Friends?

If this guy is creeping you out, stop and think if you truly want to stay friends with him after you let him down. Did you have a good friendship with him before he asked you out? Were you close friends? If not, don’t try to tell him you want to stay friends just so he won’t get hurt. It’s okay to tell someone that you don’t want to date them or be friends. You deserve people in your life that enrich it, not take away from it or stress you out. If being friends with him afterwards isn’t something that you want either, it’s okay to tell him that.

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