Online Dating: 6 Reasons She Doesn’t Email You Back


So you find a fantastic girl online, fire off an email to her, and sit back and wait… and wait… and wait.  Despite checking your inbox every 15 minutes for 2 days straight, there is no sign of a reply at all.

This is not an uncommon scenario for men, who never stop to think about the woman’s side of the equation… why doesn’t she email back?

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The good news is that there are 6 common reasons that she doesn’t reply.  Some are simple fixes, others are a little more difficult to overcome.  Here they are:

Problem 1 – You didn’t get her attention

Good looking women get A LOT of emails every day… super hot women on busy sites can easily get over a hundred a day!  That’s some serious competition!  If you don’t get her attention fast, you’ll be forgotten instantly as she moves on to the next guy without even giving a thought to replying to you.

So how do you get her attention?  That’s a little more complex.  For starters: be interesting, insightful, interested in her, and funny as hell!

This doesn’t apply just to “hot” women… even “average” women require you to get their attention in order to get a reply.  They’ve all been pursued by a lot of “average” guys on the internet, and you need to stand out in order to have a chance.

Problem 2 – She thinks you are shallow

Women get a lot of guys looking for one night stands.  This is pretty common and they put up a lot of defenses to help them automatically disqualify any guy who appears to be interested in them for the wrong reasons.

Very attractive women know that most guys are just contacting them because they are hot.  As much as it’s an ego boost for them, simply knowing you think they are hot doesn’t actually give them any real reason to write you back.

So, in order not to throw up her red flags:

  • Don’t ask her for sexy photos.
  • Don’t kiss her butt and tell her how hot she is over and over.
  • Don’t ask her how much she weighs or what her body type is.
  • Don’t immediately ask for full body photos.

Yes, you will want full body photos before you go on a date (and she will expect the same from you), just don’t be over the top about it.

Problem 3 – Your photos suck

It doesn’t matter how great your email is, if your picture makes you look terrible, you aren’t getting a response!  Period!

Before you start worrying about your gut or thinning hair, let me give you some good news… it’s usually not you, it’s your photo.  No matter what you look like, a great photo will attract women to at least take a closer look, and even open your profile.  And no matter how good looking you may be, a bad photo won’t even get her attention.

If you don’t have a photo that makes you look great and stands out from all the poor quality photos out there, it’s time to get one.  Find a friend with a good camera and go snap some headshots outside, in a nice location, with soft natural light.  Or better yet, get an amateur photographer off to do them for free for the practice.  It will make a huge difference!

And of course… if you don’t attach either your photos (or a link to your photos) in your email, it might not even get read.

Problem 4 – You were crass, rude, or sexual

Many guys think they should be forward and sexual with women… like they are some sort of sexual James Bond who can’t lose.  While there is a time and a place for it, many men go too far too quickly.  A lot of things can turn a woman off, but few like being crass, rude, or overly sexual in an opening email.

She’s a woman, not one of your buddies, so don’t try to get her attention through shock value.  Yes, it works from time to time, but for the most part, she’ll just delete you as being a pervert, and move on.

  • Don’t use any four letter words… you know the ones I mean.
  • Don’t ask her what her favorite sexual position is.
  • Don’t ask her about her erotic fantasies.
  • Don’t ask if she has any nude photos.

She gets enough of those emails every day from creeps and perverts… don’t be one.

Problem 5 – You tripped her red flags

You can’t always know what is going to trigger a negative reaction in another person, but there are some common things that will turn most people off. Common red flags are baggage, exes, addictions, failures, anger, and obvious insecurities.  These should never even be hinted at in an opening email.

Or any email.

Or your profile.



  • Don’t email her more than once before she replies.
  • Don’t bring up anything in your past (like exes).
  • Don’t talk about the bad dates you have had so far.
  • Don’t talk about why you think online dating sucks or how hard it is.

Besides, she’ll have lots of time to figure out what she doesn’t like about you on the first date!

Problem 6 – She’s just not that into you

This isn’t so much a problem as a simple fact of life.  No matter what you do, some women just aren’t going to be that into you.

Maybe she only dates short dorky poor guys, maybe you remind her of her brother, maybe she’s allergic to super hot guys with sexy hair… you’ll probably never know.

This is one of those things that you can’t let get into your head.  If you’ve presented yourself in your best light, have a great photo, display your personality and value as a man… and she still doesn’t email you back?  It’s just not meant to be, so don’t over think it, just move on to the next girl.

Happy dating!

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